Usually my January resolutions for the year to come involve some sort of halfhearted attempt to "eat more healthily." It's a nice ideal and I support the theory behind it. The only problem is that usually that's as far as it goes, with me. Just an ideal that I can feel good about having.
But not this year!
In recent years, every time I go home to visit my family for Christmas or other vacations, I am always surprisingly migraine-free. This winter I took an entire pharmacy with me, medications for sinus congestion, anti-nausea, pain, emergency triptans. I didn't use a single one.
At first I thought maybe it was my parents' new air purifier that made the difference, and resolved to get one for myself. But then, while researching this year's annual healthy-diet-resolution, I started to become suspicious that I had overlooked something rather simple. My sister-in-law has celiac, and because the whole family congregates at holidays, all the edibles are largely gluten-free.
Not having an actual doctor, I consulted my friend Reddit, who usually supplies the kind of anecdotal evidence that is actually useful. Sure enough, things that people have noticed improvement in when eliminating gluten: migraines, chronic sinusitis, nausea, depression, moodiness, lethargy, tiredness. You know, me.
It was worth a try, and within just a couple days my sinusitis was totally gone and hasn't returned. Migraines aren't a daily threat anymore. I'm not queasy 100% of the time anymore. I don't need daily naps after work, and I don't need to spend my Saturdays huddled in bed cradling an ice pack under my head. Just hoping this is actually the solution I've been looking for.
Showing posts with label migraines. Show all posts
Showing posts with label migraines. Show all posts
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Friday, October 23, 2009
The Migraine Post
In which I expound upon my migraines, including their causes, effects, attempted treatments, and proposed treatment through lifestyle alteration, with much verbosity.
This post is for my own sake. Maybe there are migraineurs out there who can derive some use from it as well, but primarily this is for me to try to track, make sense of, and deal with what has become the primary feature of my life. I came across this quotation in an issue of Scientific American, from Didion's "In Bed": "For I had no brain tumor, no eyestrain, no high blood pressure, nothing wrong with me at all: I simply had migraine headaches, and migraine headaches were, as everyone who did not have them knew, imaginary." I've had both the phrases "just a headache" and "just a migraine" tossed my way. I know I've written what seem—even to me—like whiny, self-pitying posts over the years. If you were annoyed by them then, I advise you to stop reading; this is going to be exhaustive.
The History
I never used to get headaches, migraine or otherwise. Some time in the summer before my final year of undergrad (the summer of 2005), I started having to pull over on the side of the road during the hour-long drive home, and take a quick nap. It wasn't tiredness, it was nausea; I had no headache-type pain, just this nausea that made my body want to shut down and sleep until it subsided. It wasn't frequent, and I didn't think much about it.
In the fall, the pain started too. Every single day. Sometimes I would go to my morning class and then pop some ibuprofen and go straight to bed. More often, I'd skip the class part. Sometimes my cafeteria meal would consist of some packets of crackers and ice cream. Sometimes I would work my shift in the library with the office lights turned off and my head on the desk.
A friend of mine was into reiki, and offered to try to help. I didn't set much store by it, but eventually I caved—no harm in trying— and asked him to do his thing. He seemed physically affected when he touched my head, and said "you've got a lot of pain, kid." I borrowed one of his energy crystals—you'll try anything when you're desperate—and later when I gave it back he handled it like a hot potato and ran to the sink to cool it down. Another friend gave allegedly great massages; when she tried to work on my neck, she quickly became reluctant to touch me because of the immense pain she sensed.
I didn't even think of getting medical help until that winter; I wrote one of my final exams with my head lying on the desk, handed my paper in after half an hour, walked out the classroom door and into the nearest washroom, and promptly threw up. That night, I called my Mom (who was conveniently in town for a conference) in tears, and she took me to the emergency room. They gave me a triptan through IV, and diagnosed me with migraine. The nurse also suffered from migraines; we asked her what she did for hers, and I think of her words often: "I die. Every time, I die."
When I went to see my family doctor with my new diagnosis, she advised me to just go to the emergency whenever I got a migraine. Later, in the university clinic, the doctor on duty started me on my first preventative medication: amitriptyline. It did wonders, almost immediately! It was incredible to feel the evening coming on and have no pain. It didn't last, though. Another doctor gave me a prescription for Maxalt, which the doctor in ER had recommended I look into. He also referred me to a neurologist.
The neurologist's eyes boggled a little when I told him how frequent my migraines were, and again when I told him what my family doctor had "prescribed." I began on topiramate, and it too worked for a little while, though it had terrible side effects, primarily the deepest depression I have ever known. I changed to propranolol, which did help, even if it didn't "cure" me entirely. It helped so well, in fact, that he thought it safe to wean off, and said he was glad to have helped me. This was after quite a few visits, trials, and errors, and by this time I had graduated with my BA and had moved to another province to commence my MA. And it wasn't without its side-effects: I had trouble searching for words; I couldn't think quickly (and am well aware that I came across as a fool in my seminars).
So I weaned off, but the headaches became more frequent. Moreover, the nausea became a huge problem. I had a bad first year in grad school, so by this time I had temporarily withdrawn. But I was planning to return, and there was no way I'd be able to do so in that state. So I went back to the neurologist, and resumed the propranolol. That's where I am today.
Dealing With Pain
Before I was diagnosed, I dealt with the pain by sleeping until it went away. I took copious amounts of ibuprofen—four 200mg tablets at a time, sometimes 16 of them in a day. Of course I could never break the cycle; I'd wake up feeling well but the pain would inevitably return later that evening, or the next morning.
Once things were a little more in control, my method of dealing with my migraines was (and currently is) as follows:
Because I know the next day will find me wallowing in bed, the blinds closed and the lights off, earplugs shoved in my ears, my hands clamped around my temples, an icepack caressing the crown of my head, interrupted by the occasional mad dash for the washroom when the nausea gets to be too much. I know I will die the entire day long. I know that a few gulps of water will be enough to violently upset my stomach. Heck, it'll probably happen regardless of whether I go out or not, but I'm not about to aggravate an already unstable head.
If I may indulge in a π-type moment, here are my failed treatments to date: high-dose ibuprofen, massage, caffeine, antidepressants, reiki, marijuana, beta-blockers, feverfew. No results.
My Own Triggers
Migraine diary? What am I supposed to write in it? The fact that I can't identify any common thread to my migraines? Tracking triggers has seemed like a fruitless endeavor, but here are some of them:
Eradicating Pain?
The top migraine medications can only take me so far, and perhaps I'm as far as they'll go even now. The number of things that can be triggers is pretty disheartening. Jane McGonigal recently described her experience of conquering a concussion through a game, and I was inspired to take on my own Nemesis in a more proactive way than previously. It comes down to a complete lifestyle revamp.
It appears that, at this point, I need to set myself a very strict daily schedule. What time to get up, what time to eat meals and what to eat, how many glasses of water to drink and when to drink them by, what vitamins to take, when to take some time to exercise and how long, when to do homework, when to go to sleep. Something practical.
So here's my plan, and I'll evaluate it as I go along.
Diet: I'm starting off by primarily following the guidelines here as closely as possible; this means avoiding caffeine, MSG, foods containing tyramine. Cutting out as many potential triggers as possible, then eventually reintroducing things 1 or 2 at a time to figure out which (if any) are my specific triggers.
Water: to start with, I've scheduled in 3 glasses of water throughout my day. Sadly, that is a start for me. I don't like the taste of water, and it's all too easy to postpone it, so I need to force myself into this habit.
Exercise: I used to do pilates every day, and I'm going to resume that in the mornings. Running is a bit too strenuous and has triggered headaches in the past.
Other: I'm going to invest in some top-notch sunglasses to replace the near-disposable ones I currently use. A massage to unkink my shoulders and neck would probably be beneficial. I really want to try to solve my sinus problem, but I have not heard favourable reports about having them unblocked at a clinic. I hope to try reflexology within the year. Acupuncture is also on the list. Everything is fair game when you're desperate: meditation, prayer. Maybe even hypnosis.
I dream of a life where pain doesn't rule. If this new approach doesn't work, I can only hope that I will eventually outgrow my headaches.
This post is for my own sake. Maybe there are migraineurs out there who can derive some use from it as well, but primarily this is for me to try to track, make sense of, and deal with what has become the primary feature of my life. I came across this quotation in an issue of Scientific American, from Didion's "In Bed": "For I had no brain tumor, no eyestrain, no high blood pressure, nothing wrong with me at all: I simply had migraine headaches, and migraine headaches were, as everyone who did not have them knew, imaginary." I've had both the phrases "just a headache" and "just a migraine" tossed my way. I know I've written what seem—even to me—like whiny, self-pitying posts over the years. If you were annoyed by them then, I advise you to stop reading; this is going to be exhaustive.
The History
I never used to get headaches, migraine or otherwise. Some time in the summer before my final year of undergrad (the summer of 2005), I started having to pull over on the side of the road during the hour-long drive home, and take a quick nap. It wasn't tiredness, it was nausea; I had no headache-type pain, just this nausea that made my body want to shut down and sleep until it subsided. It wasn't frequent, and I didn't think much about it.
In the fall, the pain started too. Every single day. Sometimes I would go to my morning class and then pop some ibuprofen and go straight to bed. More often, I'd skip the class part. Sometimes my cafeteria meal would consist of some packets of crackers and ice cream. Sometimes I would work my shift in the library with the office lights turned off and my head on the desk.
A friend of mine was into reiki, and offered to try to help. I didn't set much store by it, but eventually I caved—no harm in trying— and asked him to do his thing. He seemed physically affected when he touched my head, and said "you've got a lot of pain, kid." I borrowed one of his energy crystals—you'll try anything when you're desperate—and later when I gave it back he handled it like a hot potato and ran to the sink to cool it down. Another friend gave allegedly great massages; when she tried to work on my neck, she quickly became reluctant to touch me because of the immense pain she sensed.
I didn't even think of getting medical help until that winter; I wrote one of my final exams with my head lying on the desk, handed my paper in after half an hour, walked out the classroom door and into the nearest washroom, and promptly threw up. That night, I called my Mom (who was conveniently in town for a conference) in tears, and she took me to the emergency room. They gave me a triptan through IV, and diagnosed me with migraine. The nurse also suffered from migraines; we asked her what she did for hers, and I think of her words often: "I die. Every time, I die."
When I went to see my family doctor with my new diagnosis, she advised me to just go to the emergency whenever I got a migraine. Later, in the university clinic, the doctor on duty started me on my first preventative medication: amitriptyline. It did wonders, almost immediately! It was incredible to feel the evening coming on and have no pain. It didn't last, though. Another doctor gave me a prescription for Maxalt, which the doctor in ER had recommended I look into. He also referred me to a neurologist.
The neurologist's eyes boggled a little when I told him how frequent my migraines were, and again when I told him what my family doctor had "prescribed." I began on topiramate, and it too worked for a little while, though it had terrible side effects, primarily the deepest depression I have ever known. I changed to propranolol, which did help, even if it didn't "cure" me entirely. It helped so well, in fact, that he thought it safe to wean off, and said he was glad to have helped me. This was after quite a few visits, trials, and errors, and by this time I had graduated with my BA and had moved to another province to commence my MA. And it wasn't without its side-effects: I had trouble searching for words; I couldn't think quickly (and am well aware that I came across as a fool in my seminars).
So I weaned off, but the headaches became more frequent. Moreover, the nausea became a huge problem. I had a bad first year in grad school, so by this time I had temporarily withdrawn. But I was planning to return, and there was no way I'd be able to do so in that state. So I went back to the neurologist, and resumed the propranolol. That's where I am today.
Dealing With Pain
Before I was diagnosed, I dealt with the pain by sleeping until it went away. I took copious amounts of ibuprofen—four 200mg tablets at a time, sometimes 16 of them in a day. Of course I could never break the cycle; I'd wake up feeling well but the pain would inevitably return later that evening, or the next morning.
Once things were a little more in control, my method of dealing with my migraines was (and currently is) as follows:
- take daily preventative medication
- wear earplugs whenever humanly possible
- sleep with an icepack for a pillow
- get fresh air by walking to Starbucks for a blended drink (curiously, the only thing I can stomach when nauseated)
- hide in a fetal position in bed and shirk coursework for the day
- try taking a couple acetaminophen, or a Sudafed if it feels like my sinuses are involved
- take a triptan if I need it to get through night-class
- never go out for fun, ever; if it's necessary to do so, make sure I have a holiday the next day so that I can recuperate
Because I know the next day will find me wallowing in bed, the blinds closed and the lights off, earplugs shoved in my ears, my hands clamped around my temples, an icepack caressing the crown of my head, interrupted by the occasional mad dash for the washroom when the nausea gets to be too much. I know I will die the entire day long. I know that a few gulps of water will be enough to violently upset my stomach. Heck, it'll probably happen regardless of whether I go out or not, but I'm not about to aggravate an already unstable head.
If I may indulge in a π-type moment, here are my failed treatments to date: high-dose ibuprofen, massage, caffeine, antidepressants, reiki, marijuana, beta-blockers, feverfew. No results.
My Own Triggers
Migraine diary? What am I supposed to write in it? The fact that I can't identify any common thread to my migraines? Tracking triggers has seemed like a fruitless endeavor, but here are some of them:
- Foods: certain foods could be triggers for me, though I don't know what at this point. I'll expound more on diet a little later.
- Pressure changes: I'm fairly certain this is one of mine. When the barometric pressure changes, my head gets angry.
- Hormonal changes: again, pretty certain. I can't really predict this, because for some reason I don't follow the lunar calendar.
- Muscle tension: my neck and shoulders seem to be in an unsolveable knot. Whenever I stop to think about it, I become aware of this enormous tension.
- Eyestrain: I now wear glasses whenever I'm at my computer at home, and occasionally at work. They are probably the subtlest prescription possible since I have better-than-perfect vision, but they are supposed to save my eyes from doing all the work.
- Bright lights: not so much a trigger as an aggravation. I wear sunglasses even when it's cloudy.
- Noise: like I mentioned, I wear earplugs very often. Even the tiny physical pressure it exerts can relieve a bit of pain.
- Stress: most of the time, I'm a very stress-free person; I don't have a lot of the responsibilities (e.g. work-related, etc) that most people have. I do occasionally get severely upset/stressed, but I'm not sure how to measure the impact.
- Dehydration: I know I should drink more water. I know that nausea can erase all my efforts to drink more. It's gross, but water actually induces vomiting if I'm already nauseated.
- Irregular sleeping habits: as a rule, I'm a poor sleeper. This is high on my priority list.
- Irregular eating habits: I also need to work on this. Sometimes I find myself in night-class without having eaten a proper supper. Other times I find myself at home without having eaten a proper supper. Totally preventable.
- Sinus problems: to my surprise, I recently found that a Sudafed relieved some of my headache pain when my other standbys had failed. We had mold in our apartment over the summer, and I suspect it aggravated my sinuses (which now feel permanently 'fuzzy').
Eradicating Pain?
The top migraine medications can only take me so far, and perhaps I'm as far as they'll go even now. The number of things that can be triggers is pretty disheartening. Jane McGonigal recently described her experience of conquering a concussion through a game, and I was inspired to take on my own Nemesis in a more proactive way than previously. It comes down to a complete lifestyle revamp.
It appears that, at this point, I need to set myself a very strict daily schedule. What time to get up, what time to eat meals and what to eat, how many glasses of water to drink and when to drink them by, what vitamins to take, when to take some time to exercise and how long, when to do homework, when to go to sleep. Something practical.
So here's my plan, and I'll evaluate it as I go along.
Diet: I'm starting off by primarily following the guidelines here as closely as possible; this means avoiding caffeine, MSG, foods containing tyramine. Cutting out as many potential triggers as possible, then eventually reintroducing things 1 or 2 at a time to figure out which (if any) are my specific triggers.
Water: to start with, I've scheduled in 3 glasses of water throughout my day. Sadly, that is a start for me. I don't like the taste of water, and it's all too easy to postpone it, so I need to force myself into this habit.
Exercise: I used to do pilates every day, and I'm going to resume that in the mornings. Running is a bit too strenuous and has triggered headaches in the past.
Other: I'm going to invest in some top-notch sunglasses to replace the near-disposable ones I currently use. A massage to unkink my shoulders and neck would probably be beneficial. I really want to try to solve my sinus problem, but I have not heard favourable reports about having them unblocked at a clinic. I hope to try reflexology within the year. Acupuncture is also on the list. Everything is fair game when you're desperate: meditation, prayer. Maybe even hypnosis.
I dream of a life where pain doesn't rule. If this new approach doesn't work, I can only hope that I will eventually outgrow my headaches.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Going home, and going to school
In mid-July I took a 2-week trip back to Saskatchewan. It was wonderful. Something about the landscape there is just easier on the eyes, and I felt a strange sort of relaxation washing over me even as we drove away from the airport. I didn't get a hint of headache during the whole two weeks. (Of course, the second day back on the island I was bedridden with nausea and pain >< ) I saw my neurologist again and I've started back on the medication I had weaned off of. Hopefully it will work. Hopefully I won't get so drowsy this time around. I got to do some great family bonding while at home, and play with all my nephews and nieces—up to 3 of each, now, one of which I had not seen in person before. It's tough being so far away from everyone, but every time I go back it's like I haven't been away. The cabby who drove me to the airport gave me the ol' Victoria-is-awesome-I-bet-Sask-is-crappy speech (alongside a speech on how I should help him find new boarders). I'm so sick of hearing that. It now makes me form an insta-grudge against the person.This summer I reawakened the notion of going into Pharmacy. I had thought about it when I finished up my B.A. (and even applied to U of S, who took my application fee but otherwise didn't acknowledge me) but then the SSHRC kind of decided my route. I'm tired of being poor and unsuccessful and having no real career expectations, so Pharmacy is very alluring (other than the prospect of 5 more years of school). But just when I figured I'd apply as an undergrad to do some pre-pharm classes, I finally got my supervisory committee for my M.A. (almost) sorted out. At least, I have my supervisor and department reader lined up. The rest will hopefully sort itself out come September when things get back underway. In the fall I'll be taking on my second-last grad class (then the last will come in the spring). As always, I worry that my health will get in the way of everything else. I very rarely feel truly well, but maybe nobody does (I wouldn't know).
- Can it be?? A new drawing!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Fed Up
Can you believe it? I'm actually sick of watching π.
Argh, I should have been done this blasted article today... My head is so throbbing and I can't think of anything else to write but I still don't have the word count I need. If I make it any more wordy it'll be obvious. Ugh, who's the idiot that invented pain? I don't mind if it's useful, like ow don't touch that it's hot type of pain, or quit bumping your shins on everything you clumsy oaf type of pain. This is just a big waste of time and life.
I ask you, what kind of advice is "oh just go to emergency when you get them"? Yes, just go to emergency, where you'll wait for five hours (on a good day) under those lights that say "BBBBBZZZZZZ!!!" and the smell of hospital (bad place if you've got a touch of nausea). If you're lucky, you can increase the wait time of everybody else and prevent someone with a real emergency from getting timely attention. Do this roughly twice a week? No thanks, I spent my one and only emergency visit with my head between my knees, trying hard not to throw up or feel bitter towards the guy in handcuffs escorted by police who got in right away because he was bleeding all over, then the nurse screwed up both my hands trying to put in an IV ("Oh look, I missed your vein again. You can tell because, see this here, your hand is filling up with the fluid." "I CAN SEE THAT, TAKE IT OUT!!!").
Argh, I should have been done this blasted article today... My head is so throbbing and I can't think of anything else to write but I still don't have the word count I need. If I make it any more wordy it'll be obvious. Ugh, who's the idiot that invented pain? I don't mind if it's useful, like ow don't touch that it's hot type of pain, or quit bumping your shins on everything you clumsy oaf type of pain. This is just a big waste of time and life.
I ask you, what kind of advice is "oh just go to emergency when you get them"? Yes, just go to emergency, where you'll wait for five hours (on a good day) under those lights that say "BBBBBZZZZZZ!!!" and the smell of hospital (bad place if you've got a touch of nausea). If you're lucky, you can increase the wait time of everybody else and prevent someone with a real emergency from getting timely attention. Do this roughly twice a week? No thanks, I spent my one and only emergency visit with my head between my knees, trying hard not to throw up or feel bitter towards the guy in handcuffs escorted by police who got in right away because he was bleeding all over, then the nurse screwed up both my hands trying to put in an IV ("Oh look, I missed your vein again. You can tell because, see this here, your hand is filling up with the fluid." "I CAN SEE THAT, TAKE IT OUT!!!").
Failed treatments to date: many many. Yes I cower in the dark wearing sunglasses and earplugs. Precioussss. Apparently my pounding temples and I are 10 times more likely to have a stroke. I'm not sure compared to who. Maybe Gollum.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Day Without Art
Today is World AIDS Day. At the U of R, the Visual Arts department also booked an entire hallway in which they've set up for a Day Without Art. I won't get to see what it's all about though—I wonder how the Visual Arts dept will display a Day Without Art. Intriguing.
I saw a goose flying north today. It's snowing too darn much. I hate snow, but I'll at least allow it to be on the ground. But it should never be in the air.
Yesterday was productive, despite only fractional neck mobility and total lack of will to live (I'd forgotten how debilitating migraines can be). I fixed my laptop, finished my article... OK, here's where I really do kick myself for quitting J-school. Turned out not everyone was disinclined to be interviewed, and the rest of my contacts were great, plus I learned a thing or two about what's involved in book publishing. Most importantly of all, the magazine loved my article. I passed freelancing initiation!
I saw a goose flying north today. It's snowing too darn much. I hate snow, but I'll at least allow it to be on the ground. But it should never be in the air.
Yesterday was productive, despite only fractional neck mobility and total lack of will to live (I'd forgotten how debilitating migraines can be). I fixed my laptop, finished my article... OK, here's where I really do kick myself for quitting J-school. Turned out not everyone was disinclined to be interviewed, and the rest of my contacts were great, plus I learned a thing or two about what's involved in book publishing. Most importantly of all, the magazine loved my article. I passed freelancing initiation!
Monday, October 02, 2006
I want one of those moths
Here are the exciting events of the last couple days:
Friday I woke up with a migraine, and took one of my special poison pills. Normally these make me feel awesome but this time I was terribly depressed all day and had a sort of breakdown at work. After work I kind of felt like driving in no particular direction and not stopping. So I wandered around the city for quite a long time and somehow ended up on top of Goose Island Overlook (not sure how that happened). So I walked around there for a while, and then (oh no!) could not start my car, which seemed pretty fitting. Then I wasn't quite sure what to do. Who do I call? What the heck do I do? I don't know anybody who's home right now! (my parents are away on vacation, all my friends would be at a bowling-birthday-party). Luckily Amy answered her phone and saved me, and thank god for cellphones (incidentally, I later told god exactly what I thought of him before hurling some rocks in his general direction and telling him to fuck off). Some more wandering (somehow, I found myself on the road up the hill to Goose Island Overlook again), then I ended up on my parents' farm where I spent most of the next two days doing nothing and watching Pi (because you can never watch Pi enough times), and also going on a several-hour-long walk across the fields--bad idea, it was very hot and sunny which invariably results in more headaches. Now it is the last week of work. After this week I will have very infrequent internet access, so I'll probably get very agitated quickly. Over the weekend (only 2 days without internet), I went through severe withdrawal.
I seem to have committed myself to grad studies in English, mostly because the registrar phoned me today wanting a synopsis of my future plans and I said I was going to apply for grad studies. I always feel I have to tell them I'm planning on pursuing academics further, as if they'll withhold paying my scholarships if I don't (which may very well be true, I wouldn't know). But I'm also becoming more and more interested in math and science, especially astronomy. I mean, what's with Gabriel's horn? Finite volume yet infinite surface area? Crazy. Et cetera. I have a bad habit of quitting in the midde of things and deeply doubting what I'm doing. I really don't know where to go for advice anymore.
According to this personality test, I am: introverted, irritable, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, does not like to stand out, sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual. Oh boy, how very positive. I ask you, weird? And "semi" intellectual? All lies, I tell you!
I know, I haven't posted the drawings like I said I would. I just didn't feel like setting up my computer and then packing it up again two days later. Next week! For sure!
Friday I woke up with a migraine, and took one of my special poison pills. Normally these make me feel awesome but this time I was terribly depressed all day and had a sort of breakdown at work. After work I kind of felt like driving in no particular direction and not stopping. So I wandered around the city for quite a long time and somehow ended up on top of Goose Island Overlook (not sure how that happened). So I walked around there for a while, and then (oh no!) could not start my car, which seemed pretty fitting. Then I wasn't quite sure what to do. Who do I call? What the heck do I do? I don't know anybody who's home right now! (my parents are away on vacation, all my friends would be at a bowling-birthday-party). Luckily Amy answered her phone and saved me, and thank god for cellphones (incidentally, I later told god exactly what I thought of him before hurling some rocks in his general direction and telling him to fuck off). Some more wandering (somehow, I found myself on the road up the hill to Goose Island Overlook again), then I ended up on my parents' farm where I spent most of the next two days doing nothing and watching Pi (because you can never watch Pi enough times), and also going on a several-hour-long walk across the fields--bad idea, it was very hot and sunny which invariably results in more headaches. Now it is the last week of work. After this week I will have very infrequent internet access, so I'll probably get very agitated quickly. Over the weekend (only 2 days without internet), I went through severe withdrawal.
I seem to have committed myself to grad studies in English, mostly because the registrar phoned me today wanting a synopsis of my future plans and I said I was going to apply for grad studies. I always feel I have to tell them I'm planning on pursuing academics further, as if they'll withhold paying my scholarships if I don't (which may very well be true, I wouldn't know). But I'm also becoming more and more interested in math and science, especially astronomy. I mean, what's with Gabriel's horn? Finite volume yet infinite surface area? Crazy. Et cetera. I have a bad habit of quitting in the midde of things and deeply doubting what I'm doing. I really don't know where to go for advice anymore.
According to this personality test, I am: introverted, irritable, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, does not like to stand out, sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual. Oh boy, how very positive. I ask you, weird? And "semi" intellectual? All lies, I tell you!
I know, I haven't posted the drawings like I said I would. I just didn't feel like setting up my computer and then packing it up again two days later. Next week! For sure!
- Also awesome: check out this hummingbird-bee-moth
- man, this internship sounds like my ideal career in English! (or, for that matter, one of the only careers in English I would want)
- Montreal overpass collapses...I hope my parents are ok
- new permanent stamps
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