Sunday, April 30, 2006
And my cat's face exploded. Quite literally. It was ok until he rubbed it all over my hair when I wasn't looking.
Friday, April 28, 2006
"Ability to exercise a considerable degree... Must be able to do light lifting, bending and filing for extended periods."
Hey! I'm awesome at bending! Especially my elbows. I might have left out part of the job description...
Thursday, April 27, 2006
I've been going through my room in an attempt to get rid of stuff before I move up a floor. In the process, I found THIS: The Ballad of the Scone-Hunters, which I wisely rejected as a contribution to my creative writing class last semester.
"Just the place for a scone!" Antonio bemoaned
As he handled his crate with care,
Withdrawing from It a piece of bowsprit,
While a mandal sat perched in his hair.
"Just the place for a scone! I have said it twice,
Though that's just an urban myth.
Just the place for a scone! I have said it thrice.
That ought to convince you forthwith."
Antonio's men were all silent then.
They were gathered for only one cause:
Locate and obtain for their own selfish gain
A scone; then applaud with "huzzah's."
"Gosh, what's going on--there's something quite wrong"
Antonio seemed to be saying.
"After all this, the bloke who's amiss
Would merit an untimely flaying."
A man up above hollered down, "Sorry guv,
But you are so unspeakably wise!
I'll come down ASAP!" Then some other chap
Quite littered the air with his "aye's."
Oh that Antonio. That's about where I gave up. Pretty much just a string of nonsense with several inside jokes embedded in it. And highly plagiarizing Lewis Carroll. But it doesn't contain nearly enough mathematical symbols.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
And another call from the Britons today. They've started rerunning their recordings, so now it's the initial message. In a few days it will get a little more insistent, then next week they'll outright shout at me.
Most of my quad moved out today--at least, most of the important people. The Whistle Queen is still lurking around, but she doesn't count. And Julie-Anne left forever (at least, until next year. But next year I'll be gone). By the way, Jules, if you read this you should tell me what your email address is or something.
Gosh, is it ever quiet in here... maybe I'll be able to close early.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
- I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
- Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
- Gun wounds again?
- Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
- A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
- Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
- Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
- Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
- Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
- You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
- I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
- You daring lousy guy.
- Beat him out of recognizable shape!
- I have been scared shitless too much lately.
- I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
- Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
- The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
- How can you use my intestines as a gift?
- This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.
- Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.
- Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.
Monday, April 24, 2006
If I ever find a whistle left unattended in the lounge, it's only a few steps to the balcony. whistle.... balcony.... whistle... balcony...
Sunday, April 23, 2006
>>>> >> >>>>
>>>> >> >>>>so i know
>>>>we all hate these things by now but at least this
>>>> >> >>>>had an actual name on the bottom not just a
>>>> >> >>>>better
>>>> >>if it had an email address so i could email and
>>>> >> >>>>complain....by the way if you check msn.com they have
>>>> >> >>>>it about this but whatever this is IT for me!
Right. Msn is requiring all hotmail users to spread spam. I know a certain someone who is going to be henceforth redirected directly to the trash. Who needs hotmail anyway? Gmail's where it's at.
English and Latin turned out well after all--still waiting on Astronomy and Music. Just one more final on Tuesday (physics--also a high potential in that class...just like there was in astronomy). Finals tend to make me moody and generally upset. I've done almost every single practice problem I've attempted incorrectly so far. Someone on my quad appears to be trying to learn how to whistle--all I hear all the time is this airy monotone whistling that's quite annoying. My loud neighbour told me to keep it down today, and I think I just about started crying...or laughing hysterically. It's hard to tell which. I hope they all move out soon.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have been conditionally admitted to the University of Saskatchewan in the College of Arts & Science - Bachelor Degree (Undeclared) Program..."
At first I thought it said I was "cordially admitted." I would have preferred that. But I would have been very surprised if I hadn't been admitted.
So this causes all sorts of problems. The thought of five more years of school makes me grieve a little. I don't really want to go to Saskatoon (at all, actually). I have to pay my tuition for the first time ever this summer (darn scholarship's run out), plus I have to pay for the privilege of staying in my prison cell and eating gruel and stale breadcrusts and being generally malnourished (which I've unilaterally declared as the main trigger of my migraines). I was too late to apply for scholarships for next year. Realistically, I can't afford to go to school.
But I probably should. My English degree has long since exhausted any usefulness it ever served. But I don't want to. But it would be worth it in the end. But what if I don't get accepted into pharmacy anyway? I'm barely even interested in pharmacy. The only thing I'd like about being a pharmacist would be stealing all the rizatriptan I can carry. And you can bet I would.
Here are my options, as I see them:
1) Go to U of S for five years
2) Get a job
3) Finish my voice ARCT (in maybe one year?) and get a job
Problems with No. 1:
a) Can't afford it. Actually, I would be willing to invest in five years of pharmacy because it would definitely pay off. But I'd much rather watch my savings plummet and become worthless with Great West Life.
b) Pharmacy is competitive, and with my luck I probably wouldn't get in after the first pre-pharm year.
c) I'm not all that interested in pharmacy to begin with. Its only attraction is its wages. I'll admit, this is all about money. Pharmacy pays.
Problems with No. 2:
a) Who in their right mind would hire me? Nobody, apparently.
b) I've already been banned from McDonalds, even though I've never worked there. Don't ask.
Problems with No. 3:
a) What's the point? Haven't I got enough useless schooling already?
b) Who in their right mind would hire me? ...again, nobody... and we've established that McDonalds doesn't want me.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
My stomach has not recovered from yesterday. I suspect I gave myself an ulcer or something. Who knew that 16 ibuprofens in one day could be harmful? It's not even three times the maximum recommended daily dose.
And now, for your listening pleasure, I present to you Florence Foster Jenkins, from The Glory(????) of the Human Voice:
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Now, back to studying. Or possibly sleeping. Or at the very least, searching for my calculator.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
I'm also sending them some survey thing from Columbia House and a book offer from National Geographic.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
And now I must go outside--far, far away from my computer--to study for finals.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
The U of R has cut a lot of credit hours from the Federated Colleges (Luther and Campion). Apparently, the various Deans of the Faculties have been allowing Luther and Campion to teach more classes than usual in recent years, which is good for the Faculties because then they can redirect their resources to other classes--like upper level Englishes, for example. But, since the Faculties were teaching less, they should have received less funding from the U of R, but that didn't happen. So, it's been costing the U of R a lot, and they've been negotiating with the Colleges for a few years. Recently, they cut the credit hours, and also unilaterally took away some classes from Luther (article about recent URSU forum on this subject).
Today a group of us concerned students staged a Gandhi-esque protest. Fifteen of us (mixed Luther, Campion, and UR students) stormed the President's office at about 9:30 am. We were going for 8:30 (and I sure was there at 8:15) but had to wait for more people to show up. It was kind of humorous, the secretary held the door open for us, then the door to the president's office was slightly ajar, so we just walked in and sat down on the floor. The president wasn't there at the moment--we had actually passed him (he was wearing a jogging suit) on our way there. The secretary demanded to know what we were doing, so we gave her our list of goals. She said the president was off-campus.
So we sat around for a while and played some games (I won the poker match), until the VP Admin--Kathryn Laurin, coincidentally past Dean of Fine Arts, as well as director of UR Chamber Singers when I was in it, and National Youth Choir the summer I was in it--came and sat with us. We ignored her for about half an hour, and kept playing games, then someone thought to ask her what she thought about our goals. Then there was a lot of debate for about an hour, and of course I had to go and rant at her about required English classes not being offered. Actually, I thought she made a lot of good points. At least she didn't say "I hear what you're saying, and I take it to heart," like that lady from Security always says--coincidentally, she showed up too(I guess it's not so coincidental that the head of security would show up, but she wasn't overly pleased to see us Luther crew there, since we've recently been hassling her about vehicle vandalism).
Eventually, they proposed to set up a meeting with the president on Monday whenever we wanted, with the only requirements being that we had to leave the office and there would be no press at the meeting. It was surprisingly well organized. Two people on the "outside" organized press releases, and apparently reporters were trying to get in but the whole floor was swarming with security--probably letting all our cars get stolen in the meantime--and they wouldn't let them in. We had a good ten-minute debate on whether or not to accept the proposal, and Kevin (who, I believe, was the key instigator. He did most of the organizing, anyway.) was all for staying until our demands were met. I highly doubt that the president--if he had been there--would have just said "Oh sure, we'll just go ahead and restore all those credit hours to the colleges right now). Just as we were accepting the proposal, someone from a TV station called my cellphone, but I ignored it like the Britons. Leader Post did get pictures of us as we left the office, and Nelson Bird (of Indigenous Circle) came and talked to us as we convened in the Ad-Hum pit below.
The best part: while we were chatting in the pit after, and after the reporters had left, the president of Luther (Bruce) and a plethora of other Luther staff (Residence staff, the Luther chaplain, etc.) came with water bottles and cookies, and cameras. Bruce was all smiles--he had just been told about it by one of the outsiders and was very, very proud of us.
I was hoping for more of a riot, you know, with a couple bulldozers or tanks and some public stonings and maybe sledgehammers bashing the walls. I'm pretty into protests. I think I'll start staging them all the time, on my own if necessary.
Here's all 15 of us in the elevator:
VP Admin looking bored in the background (right beside me(hidden)):
Well, I'm done being political for the day. So, maybe I'll go to the meeting on Monday. Or maybe I'll study for one or more of the finals I have to write Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
In other news:
At the English class windup last night, we played the Lord of the Rings Two Towers board game. It's actually not a game, but a re-enactment of the movie. You have to pick up each card in order, and they say things like "If Gimli picks up this card, move Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, and Gandalf to space #81. Then roll again and move Frodo," and "Gollum must roll 11 in strength to rescue Frodo. All characters must play with Gollum until Frodo is saved." wtf? Nothing game-like about it. Our prof finally insisted on quitting. I might also mention that I was the only person who had ever played that game before. In fact I have all three. Yep, hardcore LOTR fan here. We also got anthologies of all our writing, which brit did an amazing job creating. I was just a little surprised that a section of writing I submitted for it was cut, especially since I definitely submitted the least amount of anybody else in the class. It was my awesome up- the- creek- without- a- paddle joke too.
Last night was also the Luther hot tub party, which means there were two hot tubs directly below my window. The sound came through pretty much as if the window were open, and earplugs didn't help either, so all I could hear all night was "Wooooooo! WOOOOOOO!!!! Hahahahah! boom boom boom boom...Tee hee hee! Wooooooooo!!!! generic dance music WOOOOOOOO- HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" I hate the "wooo." What the fuck is the point of saying "wooooo," idiots. Screaming, rather. And girls are the loudest, highest-pitched, most annoying creatures I can imagine. Pity me for being one. I wish I had some brimstone or poisonous toads to hurl down at them. Well, at least I got a good, solid two hours' sleep before the sit-in.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
slightly reminiscent of the time I forgot to file my tax return, and a posse of taxmen came after me. Except that time it really was me they were after.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
I went to my parents' farm today, and on the way back I saw a considerable mass of geese. Except it was more impressive in person. And then, when I returned to Regina, I found this in my room (I have divided the spoils into four categories):
It's an Easter Miracle
Minus one chocolate bunny (which belongs in the chocolate pile, of course). My Mom got me a case of juice for Easter instead of the usual chocolate bunny this year. *very dejected "woooot"* I've gotten to a point where the thought of candy (of any kind) sort of sickens me. I suppose that's not an entirely bad thing.
Luthies night tonight. Last year there was only one Luthie award per quad, but this year each had like five or six. But no awards for me. I feel only slightly unloved this year. I thought there was a little too much self-advertising guitar-playing going on, and far too much clapping and cheering and general noise. But then, I'm bitter and my head aches.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Friday, April 07, 2006
I'm mostly mad at myself for the superfluous expensive purchases I keep making. This is kind of similar to that useless $200 map of Middle Earth from a couple years ago. A bloody map. And the Super Bort, whose sole function is blogging.
Got back my English essay today. My prof's written comment: "Forgive me for repeating myself, but your gift with language should be applied always. I hope you'll find ways to publish your work." He also praised my sentence (as follows) to the class: "We can imagine a hypothetical reader--call him Banjo--encountering this piece, at first perusing, then quickly becoming engrossed." Banjo is a very clever, ingenious ploy I have devised in order to avoid saying "the reader this" and "he or she that," so instead I can say "Banjo this" and "he that." Partly that, but also just because I feel it's necessary to mention the word "banjo" in every essay. Yet my mark was not as high as I had hoped. Curse you,
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
The Britons have started calling my cellphone again, and are leaving more menacing messages than ever. But I'll be damned before I tell them it's the wrong number. Maybe if they'd stop using automated messages, my voicemail would tell them that I am not "Ingrid Natasha," or whoever it is they're after.
In happier(?) news...I was on my way to class this morning when it occurred to me that I was about an hour late. That's why I'm not in charge around here. But my prof thought it was the wrong year, and thought it was our last class today...and decreed that it was the last day of class. woot! That's why she's in charge...but I still have homework to do before the final.
- sweet! It's like extreme golfing ... or ... not-quite-deathly-boring golfing.
NOTE: THIS SITE DOES NOT HAVE ANY DRAWINGS OF BEES, BANJOS OR BABIES. I REPEAT, THERE ARE NO BEE CARTOONS, NO BANJO CARTOONS, NO BABY CARTOONS.
The test was successful: people really are that stupid. Somebody searched "drawings of bees" on msn, and the following (I assume) came up:
Let's look at it again:
I think it's pretty clear that I DON'T HAVE ANY FREAKIN' BEE CARTOONS, but people keep coming anyway (and not just for bee cartoons; banjo and baby drawings as well.)
On the other hand, msn.com thinks I'm #1 for drawings of bees.
Augh! There's a fly in my room! Blasted Venus Flytrap is shirking.
Latin Club had a 6-hour meeting today...and I'm still only slightly more than half done my assignment for tomorrow morning.
Round 2 of Music presentations is now over. The prof's official comment on my piece was, "I theenks it remind me of chilren playing wit der lazurs." He must have had an interesting childhood. I tried to peek at what he was writing down, but it was in French.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
It suddenly occurs to me that I just had a funny dream. But I definitely wasn't asleep--more like typing. Weird.
I've been perusing my Paris/Berlin pictures, and just remembered that some random dog came and froofed on one of the profs' shoe. This was after the prof had accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk. I didn't know crushed snail shells could make that big of an echo.
So very tired...must...stay...awake. I think I've been at the doctor's office more this year than in the last ten years combined. And it's always the same thing over and over. Today I assured her that I've learned how to control my headaches, which indeed I have. I know exactly what will probably trigger a migraine, but the stupid triggers are my most-frequented activities. Everything I do seems to be detrimental: I just tried doing some homework, but that makes me fall asleep fairly quickly, and daytime sleeping is just about a certain migraine; so I waste a few hours playing on my computer, but too much computer gives me eye-throbbing migraines. Hrmph.
Monday, April 03, 2006
1) I was once kicked out of a cemetery in Paris
2) I once won a sheep-racing contest
3) I have a photograph of Robin Williams withdrawing money from an ATM
AHHHH! The floor is made of faces!!
Looks like I'll have to take a crappy Shakespeare class this summer....Crakespeare?....Shitspeare? Yeah, definitely a Shitspeare class. Either that or "Modernism to Postmodernism."
Ugh. I hate my stomach.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Here's a slightly larger version, but I'm guessing you'll still have problems reading some of the text. Too bad for you, I guess. Thanks to Ryan for his mad computer skills.