L A P S U R A | blog

I'm just about angry enough to tear out my own jugular right now. It's remarkable how everything I undertake backfires. I originally wrote the following for my English class, and it was directed towards Microsoft; I have deleted certain parts and added appropriate substitutions (in blue):

Curse you, Microsoft! freakin' Sony piece of crap! May your Explorer uh...self be gnawed by bugs severed in twain and plagued by the most bubonic computer viruses in existence my foot kicking you in the side of the teeth, as punishment for your incompatible products -ility. May the largest horse-full of trojans divine sledgehammer ever to wheel itself across the web annihilate... uh... something invade your servers reduce you to the finest of dust, and may cyber-demons some Hellish beast drag you into the very bowels of Hell forever and aye.

I'm mostly mad at myself for the superfluous expensive purchases I keep making. This is kind of similar to that useless $200 map of Middle Earth from a couple years ago. A bloody map. And the Super Bort, whose sole function is blogging.

Got back my English essay today. My prof's written comment: "Forgive me for repeating myself, but your gift with language should be applied always. I hope you'll find ways to publish your work." He also praised my sentence (as follows) to the class: "We can imagine a hypothetical reader--call him Banjo--encountering this piece, at first perusing, then quickly becoming engrossed." Banjo is a very clever, ingenious ploy I have devised in order to avoid saying "the reader this" and "he or she that," so instead I can say "Banjo this" and "he that." Partly that, but also just because I feel it's necessary to mention the word "banjo" in every essay. Yet my mark was not as high as I had hoped. Curse you, Microsoft! English!!