HIST 390BP

I couldn't find my Paris/Berlin travel journal for about a year, but yesterday I accidentally discovered it. In the drawer I now remember putting it in. It's funny reading what I thought was important to write down:

• "I had 'canard avec pomme'—duck and potatoes (not apples)—and some French lady asked me to dance, but I was highly embarrassed and declined."
• "We each had to pay €2 for 'musique', which wasn't very good. The lady liked to sing off-key (Germani said he had been there 20 years earlier and the entertainment had been the same). The rest of us played games that penalized the dull-witted. Bredohl lost this game, he couldn't figure out that Julia was describing him when she said 'patent leather shoes, purse.'"
• "The S-Bahn had technical difficulties, and there happened to be a soccer game, so you can imagine the soccer hooligans piling on the U-Bahn (the one headed for Olympic Stadium)."
• "Breakfast is fantastic in this hotel. Did I mention that yesterday I paid €2 to honk a homeless man's bicycle horn, then got a 'free' homeless paper for doing so?" [I still have to learn German so I can read it]
• "Germani is terribly out of his element in Berlin. Yesterday he stepped on a snail and then a dog sneezed on his foot. Today he poured coffee all over the tablecloth. At the KaDeWe he couldn't find us at the meeting place we had arranged; we saw him come out and take off in another direction, and though Bredohl ran, he missed him. Then he went missing for half an hour after he fell behind when Whatshisface led us through Kreutzberg and Bredohl had to go find him again."
• "Germani and Bredohl looked like they wanted to climb in the playground. German accent: 'Ian, I'm hanging like a monkey!' British accent: 'Thomas! I'm in the cubby!'"

Sadly, the journal ends midway through Berlin. It's astounding just how much we saw and how far we walked each day, especially in Paris where marathon-man Germani was guiding us.

Not a student, but still Shirking

Fun fact: driving a real car (as opposed to a crap one) with a cd player (as opposed to no audio of any kind) makes you almost enjoy driving. But not quite.

I'm killing time in the ol' Luther library (birthplace of drawings) for...oh, another couple hours, anyway. Either this computer clock's wrong, or I've been unobservant and not noticed half a dozen hours slip by. You can only play the piano so long, especially if strange people keep gawking at you and you haven't played in weeks and you're kind of falling asleep and you're just kind of half-heartedly watching your fingers to see where they'll go without really remembering where they're supposed to go. It's happening again right now while I'm typing this. Look at those fingers, what are they doing? It's one of those days, where I just don't care about much. Most days.

The reason I'm here in the first place is that I was obliged to go to a workshop that was supposed to help me with scholarship-applying. If by "help" they mean "point out what a tiny fraction of a chance I have," I guess it went fairly well. I almost suspect it was contrived just to convince me not to do grad studies. The general consensus was that there's no such thing as secular Anglo-Saxon poetry. This evening there's a lecture here at the university—I can't quite recall what it's supposed to be about, but at any rate it will be my first lecture since finishing school.

It's strange walking around the university and not belonging at all, though I've done quite a bit of wandering around here lately. I've discovered that the university doesn't love you unless you're a student (and then still probably not, but if you're not a student or in any other way connected to the university, you're doomed). They almost wouldn't let me take out some books again (I just wanted to practice shelving at home).

Apparently my brother had trouble getting a bunch of seed through Australian customs this weekend, but last I heard he was in Melbourne okay. This one's for him. The last couple days have been warm enough to melt all the snow, and today it was even raining. My headaches seem to have returned, as well as the old insomnia. I blame computers. And possibly the toxic wood preservative I was working with all morning.

Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty

Well, last time's empty fun fact was an artistic statement (or something), but supplying your own fun fact was a good idea too. This week's fun fact: the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT). You can read more about it on good old Wikipedia here. Other topics of interest are the Agreed Framework and NATO.

First Pillar: non-proliferation

“Five states are permitted by the NPT [Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty] to own nuclear weapons”—namely, France, Russia, China, the United Kingdom, and the United States. Why? Because they were “the only states possessing such weapons at the time the treaty was opened to signature.”

Second Pillar: disarmament

According to Article 6 of the Treaty, “The states undertake to negotiate toward general and complete disarmament under strict and effective international control.”

NWS parties have a formal obligation to “pursue plans to reduce and liquidate their stockpiles”—a formal obligation, that is, which “has never been adhered to by the NPT-recognized nuclear weapons states…. The failure of the NPT-recognized nuclear weapons states to comply with their disarmament obligations, and the unconditional indefinite extension of the NPT, has left a simmering discontent among many signatories of the NPT, and a justification for the non-signatories to develop their own nuclear arsenals.”

Third Pillar: the right to peacefully use nuclear technology

The NPT “gives every state the inalienable right to use nuclear energy for peaceful purposes,” such as light water reactor nuclear power.
Now, here are some fun facts on NATO nuclear weapons sharing:

• “At the time the treaty was being negotiated, NATO had in place secret nuclear weapons sharing agreements whereby the United States provided nuclear weapons to be deployed by, and stored in, other NATO states.”


• “As of 2005, it is estimated that the United States still provides between 180 and 480 tactical B61 nuclear bombs for use by Belgium, Germany, Italy, the Netherlands and Turkey under these NATO agreements.”

Well, so much for nonproliferation. “Under NATO convention, in the event of a declaration of war, these nuclear weapons cease to be subject to [the NPT] treaty. Such a declaration my occur quickly, and in secret; in effect, the NATO nations will become instantaneous overseas bases for deployment and usage of U.S. nuclear weapons. Many would argue that this situation violates the spirit of the treaty, and perhaps even the written rule.”
In Iran:

• Iran has a uranium enrichment program, which is “a step towards a civilian nuclear energy program, which is allowed under the terms of the NPT”—that good old unalienable right. “However, the United States and the European Union accuse Iran of using this program to help covertly develop nuclear weapons, in violation of the NPT. Iran remains under investigation by the International Atomic Energy Agency, which has found no evidence of a nuclear weapons program.”

Now, as for North Korea:

• North Korean Foreign Ministry statement: “We had already taken the resolute action of pulling out of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty and have manufactured nuclear arms for self-defence to cope with the Bush administration’s evermore undisguised policy to isolate and stifle the DPRK.”


• Terms of the Agreed Framework (signed in 1994) include:
  
  • North Korea’s obligations: shutdown of the Yongbyon nuclear reactor; abandoning construction of two larger nuclear power plants; placing of spent fuel under IAEA controls.
  • What they get in return: two light water reactors to be constructed by 2003, primarily supplied by Japan and South Korea.
  • Soon after, the US came under the administration of the Republicans, who—although they didn’t support the agreement—“agreed to phase out economic sanctions that had been in place since the Korean War.”

The US didn’t deliver on this though, and by 1999 “North Korea warned that they would resume nuclear research unless the US kept up its end of the bargain.” North Korea withdrew from the NPT in 2003.

Here’s a breakdown of the opinions at the 2005 Review Conference of the NPT (happens every 5 years):

• United States: “wanted the conference to focus on proliferation, especially on its allegations against Iran”
• Most other countries: “emphasized the serious nuclear disarmament by the nuclear powers”

I don’t believe anybody should have nuclear weapons, but if you’re someone like Iran and the US is trying to stop your nuclear energy program, when the US itself is probably the most nuclear state there is—and quite obviously has no plans for disarmament—then how can you help being angry? Or say you’re North Korea and you were promised some light water reactors (for civilian nuclear energy), and then never got them? Nobody likes a Global Police, or Big Brother, or whatever you call it.

Nosferatu

Saturday night I went to the symphony to see Nosferatu, the original Dracula silent film from 1922. Except they weren't allowed to call it "Dracula," so they had to call it Nosferatu (also, they declared bankruptcy after filming so as to avoid copyright infringement fines). Apparently, the guy who played Nosferatu actually thought he was Dracula—or a vampire, at any rate—in real life, so he was naturally creepy. Maybe it's just me, but he reminds me a lot of Salad Fingers:

He even moves like Salad Fingers, exactly like.

The many names of Lapsura

[Stolen in turn from Angie]

1. YOUR SPY NAME: (middle name and current street name)
   Laurel East-of-35
   
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your dad's side, your favorite candy)
   Aenid Twizzler
   
3. YOUR RAP NAME: (first initial of first name, first three or four letters of your last name)
   M-Nel
   
4. YOUR GAMER TAG: (a favorite color, a favorite animal)
   Yellow Hummingbird
   
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
   Laurel Regina
   
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
   Nel Ner Cha
   
7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your grandmother's maiden name spelled backwards)
   Lerual Egdirdla (or something to that effect)
   
8. PORN STAR NAME: (first pet's name, the street you grew up on)
   Treadmill East-of-35
   
9. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automobile your mom drives)
   The Blue Sunfire
   
10. YOUR ACTION HERO NAME:(first name of a main character in the last movie you watched, last food you ate)
    Max Pie

My shiny new degree

Yesterday was convocation. Fun fact: the term "graduand" refers to someone who is in the current state of graduating, so you can only be a graduand for a couple of hours. It was pretty great: fewer graduates than usual so a shorter ceremony; all sorts of old profs and faculty and even Ralph Goodale congratulated me. But they forgot to give me one of my plaques. Most importantly of all, everyone pronounced my name correctly! For the first time ever! Before the ceremony, they had to give me special instructions and they were more concerned about double- and triple-checking pronunciation and writing out pronouncing-instructions on my name card than making sure I knew where to go.

Here's some pictures of me looking conspicuous in my blue Luther gown:

And, we're a rectangle.

This is my all-time favourite thing from Corner Gas: Lorne Calvert on the Ruby Newsday episode. Saskatchewan: hard to spell, easy to draw.

What A Wonderful World

Here's Ryan doing an excellent Yoda rendition of What A Wonderful World, complete with froofs! Yoda Choir...well Blogger won't let you click right on it, so here's the link: http://www.freewebs.com/meganmain4/WhatAWonderfulWorld.mp3
And many many thanks to Ryan for de-statickation; mp3s may be reposted in the forseeable future.

In an interesting twist of fate, Adam J. Mack won the Engineering Faculty Prize. He's my old highschool buddy that I tied with for the Governor General's Bronze Medal in grade 12. It's like we tied...again! Good job, Atom Bomb! Plus, I get "Great Distinction" tacked onto my degree.

The University never gets anything right. I mean, I tell them that I wanted to join WUSC this year (I've spent two months trying to join—nobody will help me! Maybe since I'm not a "student" or something), and that I helped people with essay writing, and that I enjoyed my science classes, and then they go and publish some crap about how I'm involved in WUSC activities and tutor physics students! I'm the one who required physics tutoring!! They could have highlighted some more impressive things than taking creative license. I bet I'll get in trouble for this. Double latte!

I forgot to mention that the other day I also ran into my Crakespeare prof, who happens to be the English Graduate Chair as well. She didn't mention anything about how I wrote "Crakespeare" instead of "Shakespeare" all the time on the final exam. Maybe she didn't notice...

Down the road to grad studies

I just had the most awesome meeting ever! It was about grad studies. I didn't know the first thing about what I could study in grad school (still pretty much don't), so I went to one of my best profs today and asked her. "Let me show you," she says, and leads me to an office where all the English theses written at the U of R are kept. Then in walks the Department Head and says "Is Megan thinking about doing grad studies?" "Yes she is. She's wondering what sort of things people do theses on." "You should do Medieval! Come talk to me if you want to. I'd be glad to supervise you!" [Well, as it happens I don't plan on doing my Master's at the U of R, but pretty awesome all the same] He continued: "Megan won the President's Medal, you know. And the Arts Prize, but that was a shoo-in." Dr. Awesome Prof does this crazy big arm-pumping "Yesss!" and then gives me a hug!

Then she takes me back to her office and writes out all the things I need in a proposal. "These are the basic things your proposal will need, for both the SSHRC application and the grad school application. Now we'd be happy to have you here. I don't want you to see U of R as the default; we'd be very happy to have you here, but it's easy to see yourself working here because you know the faculty, you don't need to establish a reputation, and in fact" [gesturing at the wall in the general direction of the Dept Head] "it sounds like we'd probably take you without an application. But I recommend that people apply to five universities: your dream school, a fallback school, and three middling schools. Do some surfing and find out if the faculty specializes in the area you're interested in. And make sure there are more than one doing what you're interested in, in case one of them dies or gets transferred. My supervisor for my dissertation (who straddles the earth like a colossus and heals sickness with a touch of his little finger, and about whom I will not tolerate criticism) ended up doing Shakespeare because the only guy who worked in the area he was interested in was a sociopath. What do you do? Work with the crazy guy or change your field?"

:0 Turns out there's half a dozen Medieval specialists at my dream school, and one Old Icelandic/Old English fellow—I suspect a Tolkien fan!—so I'm getting pretty excited. They have a list of english graduate student webpages on their website, and it would appear that they have only three grad students...good sign? Maybe better chance for funding? More personal attention? At any rate, Dr. Awesome Prof pretty much set out what I need to do from here. Well I'll miss the SSHRC deadline this year (three weeks? no way! I don't even have a "Question"—#1 on the list of things necessary for a proposal). Now I have to make an appointment with the Dept Head about this Medieval business. I've been given to understand that I'll require Old English—which I'm more than rusty on, not having learned it quite properly in the first place—and most likely Latin—no troubles there—and maybe Old Icelandic or some such. I will definitely need to peruse some theses, and try to come up with the all-important Question.

In other news...I'm being enlisted in all sorts of rock-heaving and whatnot that I hadn't anticipated, plus there was snow on my car today. A very thin layer, but still snow, and it will only get worse. I was hoping to get some writing done, but haven't done any in weeks. The Inter-Puter has been restored, so I will hopefully be able to post drawings more regularly, pending (of course) the creation of said drawings. I'm not finding new ideas so easily. And finally, last chance to buy a llama! They're all (except for two) being hauled away in two weeks to be set free...until they are sold at the auction in which they will be set free. My throat is sore; I think I'm getting sick. But I need to go before the Parking Nazi gives me another ticket.

The day I visited Hell

I walked into work to collect my last paycheque. I opened the door to find the entire interior under construction. As I walked along some narrow planks—a makeshift bridge—I couldn't help noticing that the gaping chasm below the planks was filled with lava. In a few minutes I was in front of the CEO, who casually pressed a button on his desk. Then the trapdoor beneath my feet opened and I was falling down into the lava....

...well, luckily for me the dream didn't come true today. Days are below zero now.

:(

Points of note

I don't have much time, and I probably won't have internet access again soon, so here's a quick summary of things to note:

• Ryan and his family took me to see the Rolling Stones this weekend, which was pretty darn awesome.
  
  
• I'm done work! Will be at my parents'.....temporarily! I'm very adamant about the temporarily.
  
  
• I've posted many new drawings. Here! I know, I'm still behind.
  


• New songs as well. Here! The recording went pretty well: the pedal was behaving, the piano had recently been tuned, and I played until I got each song without mistakes so there's no splicing of uneven tempos and whatnot.
  
  
• Photos from my wanderings last weekend:
  
  
  

More posting probably Friday when I go pick up my last paycheck. Over and out.

It's Over!

Woooooooooorrrk's out! for! ever! That is, after today. I'm hoping that since I just worked two 9-hour days (or rather, one 9-hour day and one 9-1/2-hour day...boy does that tick me off) that I'll be able to leave early or at least take a lunch break (hint hint), though I'm surprisingly alert after only 3 hours of sleep last night. Yesterday was close to another explosion, but then it turned freaking awesome when a certain someone returned to SK for the weekend! Refreshment establishments generally close too early. When I start up my waffle bar/bagel barn, it will be open at almost all hours. I also had a meal for the first time in two weeks yesterday.

They make these capuccinos too syrupy.

• teleportation? Oh those entangled states.


• Oh those silly pythons. I can pop my jaw out of joint, but I still can't eat these assorted items:
  • pregnant sheep
  • gator
  • electric blanket
    

Intended Statements

Did you know that on this day in 1947, Max Planck died? I bet you didn't.

Well gosh, I can't apply to do a Master's in English without a "statement of intent." What do they want me to say? Are they expecting some sort of original contribution? I'm sure they wouldn't like a detailed explanation of my patented Crakespeareanism.

Speaking of Crakespeareanism: I've been finetuning my theory in order to submit it to a literary journal fairly soon—any guesses on how quickly it'll be rejected? But it would be so awesome to make it real! Plus, it seems to be spiralling out of my control, and I'm not quite sure how it works anymore. It's getting to be very complex, what with all its laws and required evidence and prohibitions and conditions. I think it's headed toward statistical analysis and ratios and calculations and such, but we'll see. Maybe I'll throw in some graphs. Hopefully it doesn't self-destruct. It's no longer specifically anti-Shakespeare. I mean, I don't want to say that it is, because that would just be malicious of me. Plus, I'm not really anti-Shakespeare, just anti-me-having-to-read-his-crappier-plays, and mostly anti-analyzing-his-plays. Analysis of literature...gosh I hate it. I like some of his sonnets. And I love researching the background of certain literature (like my prizewinning Beowulf essay or my Tolkien's Earendil = Lyric for Advent essay or my Essay on all primary documents pertaining to the Dry Quarry).

Two more days of work...which is about five days too many. I just might explode again this week.

PhD in Awesomeness

So, about this awesome award woot (note: the "woot" replaces periods. I think that the "stop" in telegrams should also be replaced with "woot"...or at least pronounced "woot")

At convocation I'll be receiving an Honorary Degree in Awesomeness—more commonly and officially known as the President's Medal—as well as the Faculty of Arts Prize (I hope they involve some sort of remuneration) woot

Last week I had a "photo shoot" where they took pictures of me pretending to tutor someone woot

Thanks to the profs who always give me awesome references WOOT!

I want one of those moths

Here are the exciting events of the last couple days:

Friday I woke up with a migraine, and took one of my special poison pills. Normally these make me feel awesome but this time I was terribly depressed all day and had a sort of breakdown at work. After work I kind of felt like driving in no particular direction and not stopping. So I wandered around the city for quite a long time and somehow ended up on top of Goose Island Overlook (not sure how that happened). So I walked around there for a while, and then (oh no!) could not start my car, which seemed pretty fitting. Then I wasn't quite sure what to do. Who do I call? What the heck do I do? I don't know anybody who's home right now! (my parents are away on vacation, all my friends would be at a bowling-birthday-party). Luckily Amy answered her phone and saved me, and thank god for cellphones (incidentally, I later told god exactly what I thought of him before hurling some rocks in his general direction and telling him to fuck off). Some more wandering (somehow, I found myself on the road up the hill to Goose Island Overlook again), then I ended up on my parents' farm where I spent most of the next two days doing nothing and watching Pi (because you can never watch Pi enough times), and also going on a several-hour-long walk across the fields--bad idea, it was very hot and sunny which invariably results in more headaches. Now it is the last week of work. After this week I will have very infrequent internet access, so I'll probably get very agitated quickly. Over the weekend (only 2 days without internet), I went through severe withdrawal.

I seem to have committed myself to grad studies in English, mostly because the registrar phoned me today wanting a synopsis of my future plans and I said I was going to apply for grad studies. I always feel I have to tell them I'm planning on pursuing academics further, as if they'll withhold paying my scholarships if I don't (which may very well be true, I wouldn't know). But I'm also becoming more and more interested in math and science, especially astronomy. I mean, what's with Gabriel's horn? Finite volume yet infinite surface area? Crazy. Et cetera. I have a bad habit of quitting in the midde of things and deeply doubting what I'm doing. I really don't know where to go for advice anymore.

According to this personality test, I am: introverted, irritable, observer, depressed, does not enjoy leadership, reveals little about self, dislikes large parties, does not like to stand out, sensitive, not a thrill seeker, solitude loving, likes silence, fragile, second guesses self, negative, unadventurous, fearful, weird, paranoid, phobic, dependent, cautious, avoidant, semi intellectual. Oh boy, how very positive. I ask you, weird? And "semi" intellectual? All lies, I tell you!

I know, I haven't posted the drawings like I said I would. I just didn't feel like setting up my computer and then packing it up again two days later. Next week! For sure!

• Also awesome: check out this hummingbird-bee-moth
  


• man, this internship sounds like my ideal career in English! (or, for that matter, one of the only careers in English I would want)


• Montreal overpass collapses...I hope my parents are ok


• new permanent stamps

My new space

it's been a while since I updated anything but I'm a little loopy right now and am not thinking quite straight and don't have any news anyway except one more week of work and then what I'm not sure yet

• finally re-templated my myspace page


• this probably applies to me

Avast, ye scurvy scalliwags!

Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day. I highly recommend this resource for translating phrases into Pirate-speech.

• Mr. Cello

There are heaps of new drawings, heaps! But I can't post them until early next week. Just try to imagine them, you'll really laugh.

welcome... to zombo.com... this is... zombo.com

I've moved everything over to a new server. The new music page has working links! Unfortunately, you cannot search the Lapsionary, but you can once again submit new words, and I will actually receive them. Check out my new blog!

I'm devastated..."tentacular" is a real word. My lit theory prof told me she had made it up. Maybe it's something like parallel evolution.

• I need a zombo.com t-shirt. You can do anything in a zombo.com t-shirt!


• the ultimate in de-motivation posters! Some of my favourites:
  
  • discovery
  • indifference
  • leaders
  • motivation
  • potential
  • quality
  • wishes
  
  
• miniature earth

So I've been reading some books that have a great deal of history mixed in with the story, and I thought, I could do that! So I started writing a sweet book about my trip to Paris and Berlin last summer. Now I get to go through all my HIST 390BP notes and maps and ticket stubs and general crap! Wooo! I actually find it very interesting. If only it were worth the time.

Oh those Britons

Drawings have been completely renovated. Still have to make a title for it though.

[edit: ...what should the title be?]

How would this be for a potential change?

Also: new music page.

And, the Britons have resumed calling me.

The shoulder of whom?

Here's one that you won't be able to cheat on. Guess who/what this picture is of:

P.S. if you've tried emailing me lately @lapsura.com I haven't gotten it. Lapsura.com is down, and I can't do any updation.

[Edit: Lapsura.com seems to have reverted to a very early stage. I sure hope it's temporary and they fix whatever the heck they wrecked]

Also, it occurs to me that I may not have ever posted this: zombo.com (must have speakers on).

Mmm! Refreshing!

• Heap of new drawings

Here's a picture of a bottle of honey I bought. It would appear that honey is a refreshing beverage for cyclists:

From my friend Bill

More gems from Bill Bryson's English and how it got that way

Fun Fact: the dying words of French grammarian Dominique Bonhours

"I am about to—or I am going to—die; either expression is used."

My favourite:

"Extract from the Pentagon's Department of Food Procurement specifications for a regulation Type 2 sandwich cookie: 'The cookie shall consist of two round cakes with a layer of filling between them. The weight of the cookie shall be not less than 21.5 grams and filling weight not less than 6.4 grams. The base cakes shall be uniformly baked with a color ranging from not lighter than chip 27885 or darker than chip 13711 ... The color comparisons shall be made under north sky daylight with the objects held in such a way as to avoid specular refractance.' And so it runs on for fifteen densely typed pages." (p 189-190)

(non)Awesome Sauce

Am I the only person who doesn't think it's funny to take advantage of a person's phobias? First, you have to understand that I have a serious aversion—I would even say phobia—of sauces. I also detest the Col. Sanders bobblehead; his creepy face gives me the feeling that he just might kill me. There are more pictures of the episode in the Photo Gallery.

Happy Anniversary!

Oops...Yesterday was the anniversary of the very first Drawing from the Library. I don't currently have my computer set up (nomad) so I haven't been able to post new drawings.

Anglo Saxonisming

This was (part of) one of my speeches in a performance I did in a class last year. 50 points if you can guess the language, what it means, and what book/movie "borrowed" it.

Hwær cwom mearg? Hwær cwom mago? Hwær cwom maþþumgyfa?
Hwær cwom symbla gesetu? Hwær sindon seledreamas?
Eala beorht bune! Eala byrnwiga!

Eala þeodnes þrym! Hu seo þrag gewat,
genap under nihthelm, swa heo no wære.

Gems

Oh, this book is so awesome:

I can think of two very good reasons for not splitting an infinitive.

1. Because you feel that the rules of English ought to conform to the grammatical precepts of a language that died a thousand years ago.


2. Because you wish to cling to a pointless affectation of usage that is without the support of any recognized authority of the last 200 years, even at the cost of composing sentences that are ambiguous, inelegant, and patently contorted.

[from the mother tongue: english and how it got that way by Bill Bryson]

In my most recent Shakespeare class, the prof took marks off for split infinitives. I maintain that the rule of the split infinitive is an urban myth. On the other hand, there are some people who think I'm too draconian and fastidious about grammatical things. I just can't fathom how "then" and "than" and proper punctuation and the simple difference between superlatives and comparatives can be so difficult for some people. You don't have to know the terminology to use the darn language right, either.

[By the way, a split infinitive is putting an adjective between the "to" and the "verb," as in "to quickly run." Some people would have you believe that this is impossible, just because in Latin the phrase would be currere celeriter, and you can see how it is impossible to split the infinitive currere, therefore the proper English rendering would be "to run quickly" ... ok enough of that. Oh, how I would love to turn this blog into a series of lessons in little-known linguistic and etymological(?) trivia!]

I suppose I never formally acknowledged that I finished my degree early last week. Or that I also turned 22 a little earlier last week. Both are duly noted. But we must never speak of either.

Oh, and as of today I have become a nomad. Good thing I have a caravan of llamas under my command. By the way, if anyone would like, say, 5 brown female baby llamas, you should really contact me. Really.

Error! Error! Banjo not found!!

• dark matter

The music page has been renovated, so songs are not actually available there anymore (except some Most Recent songs are still available there). The mp3s are still on the web, as well as a couple new songs, but I don't plan on posting the links anywhere. But you can listen to a medley of the piano recordings and of electronic/MIDI/guitar/new voice songs, and as always you can contact me for more information. Of course, if you're using IE or some other crappy browser...you won't be able to access the Most Recent or Medley mp3 links anyways.



Warning to motorists in Tokyo: "When a passenger of the foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet at him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor."

You may have noticed that lapsura.com has been significantly renovated. It should work at all times now, even though a lot of it is being regularly hacked. I've found a way to co-exist peacefully with this hacker, so that everyone gets what they want. But, if you're still one of those Internet Explorer people, I vehemently urge you to consider Firefox. It's so much more superior in many ways; plus, Internet Explorer severely butchers the awesomeness of lapsura.com (turns the title into a big ugly block and the floating windows—i.e. most of the links—don't work). In fact, I find Firefox a heck of a lot faster than Safari, plus you can't beat tabbed browsing. That's Firefox folks; just click the highly conspicuous button on the sidebar.

fucking sick to death of all this shit. ALL THIS SHIT. hacked again classes crazy too much work nowhere to live school is all I know and now it is done what do I do now (and yet none of that is bothering me half as much as I am bothered) everything is falling apart and they call these fucking antidespressants?

There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise. —Gore Vidal

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. —H. L. Mencken on Shakespeare

The best way to predict the future is to invent it. —Alan Kay

That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another. —Charlie Brown

Music is essentially useless, as life is. —George Santayana

I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was dead! ...Well, no I don't. Not really. I wish everyone else was dead. —Calvin

Verbing weirds language. —Calvin

Apparently I released my first album (without my own knowledge), which not only made it into Gil's "Listened to" the last few days, but was also featured as the on-hold music at work today. Soon I will have infiltrated all of North America!

Two birds attacked me at once today. I should really stop walking that way back from class.

• ouaouaron
  
• foofawfery
  
• preantepenultimate
  

Here's some of the Francis 100th Anniversary Parade in pictures:

Old tractors led the way:



Then came the fire trucks/bus and grader:



I remember making this sign for a parade at least 5 years ago for the Ag Society (I could have sworn it was Francis's 100th Anniversary then). It looks suspiciously like they changed the date:



Some horses:



Young hooligans on bicycles:



Then the police came to break up the riot:



Well, there was a lot more to the parade than that; floats and things that threw candy (and even Santa on a quad) but I'm not going to post those. Now here's some llamas and chickens:



All these and other pictures are in the photo gallery.

And of course, somebody HACKS MY WEBSITE, just when I hadn't made any backups...

ok so the hacking was probably almost entirely my fault, and it's also my fault that I didn't back anything up, but still! Anyways, the Lapsionary required complete reconstruction, and I'm still working out glitches in it. You can check out what the damage used to look like on almost every page here (old obsolete drawings page).

And if it was YOU who did it...don't do it again!

Today was the awesomest day in a long, long time. It's about time, too, because this week was pretty hellish. The awesomest part (today) was Ryan coming to visit. Then I finished reading a lengthy book for my Old Moldy Books Class. There's still a lot of reading to be done in order to get all my final assignments in this week, but then it will all be over. I also went on a very lengthy stroll by the lake (the first time in a long time that I've been outside during the daytime). I was going to go into the waterfowl park, but I didn't like the looks of those geese, and considering my recent encounters with attacking birds, it was probably for the best that I didn't. Tomorrow I'm going to the farm to take a bunch of stuff home and retrieve my camera. Since I've been going through my room, I've found a multitude of scraps of paper from months and months ago with ideas for drawings jotted down on them. So, there's a small collection of drawings piling up.

What it feels like:

Like somebody cracked open my skull, poured the entire contents of my head on some pavement, spread it into an even layer, sprinkled on some shards of glass, jumped on the entire mass for good measure, then scooped everything back into my head, where somehow someone wearing stilettos still manages to jump on it.

I just spent 18 hours in bed.

That bird attacked me again today.

I think I mentioned at some point that my anthropology prof is related to me in some irrelevant way. Anyways, we were talking after class last week and he asked how things are going (probably concerned because I've been missing classes—still managed to get 98% in the midterm though!). So he asked what my English class is about. Admittedly, I've had trouble focussing my thoughts in any coherent way lately; but seriously, all I could come up with (without ranting on the utter uselessness of English in general) was "Ohh... it's mostly about... old books." Yeah, he laughed at that.

Anyways, the point of that story is that the classes I've been taking are very discouraging. But today... was one of the best English classes ever! How is this possible? Because my Lit Theory prof from last term was the guest lecturer! She's so intense, and she argues with the force of a thousand hurricanes. She should be a politician, or at least a lawyer. She singlehandedly inspires me; I come out of her classes actually thinking—really, thinking! Or I would, if I were in a thinking sort of mood. Nothing else even remotely connected to English does that for me. Somehow, she manages to present English in a way that actually matters. She's also the one who keeps after me to do an honours or masters. It's tempting, very tempting, but I don't think it would end well.

Back when I was in Music, I took a Masterclass where the guy gave us this advice: "If you truly want to perform, then go for it and it will be the greatest thing in life. But if you don't, then quit now, because it will break your heart." I don't regret quitting performance, because it would have broken my heart.

I feel very defeated.

Happy Saskatchewan Day!

I went out to the farm this weekend. It's Francis's 100th Anniversary this year, so there was a parade on Saturday. Unfortunately, I forgot my camera at home, so pictures of the parade and baby llamas and mangled augurs and whatnot will have to wait. As well as drawings. The parade was mostly dominated by old-fashioned tractors. It's not like the Chokecherry Festival at Lancer, where everyone marches down the street waving chokecherry branches, though. So I'll post the farm-weekend-pictures maybe next week or so.

Other than that, things are uneventful. Classes, work (due to a Saskatchewan Day Miracle, I had to come to work today. I don't really mind, I'm just complaining for Gil's sake)... yeah, pretty much just classes and work, classes and work, every day. And the nightmares. Oh, and in about 2 weeks I'll be homeless. I could do with less stress, maybe a vacation, maybe a little stability in my life, maybe some time just to try to appreciate life and find some meaning. You know, be a tiger instead of a slow elephant person...or something.

My greatest aspiration right now... is to someday create a graph as informative as this. So far I have failed.

Here are some toothpastefordinner comics that I feel are applicable:

• oh god
  
• old pants
  
• youthful idealism
  
• usually don't give a crap
  
• job requirements
  
• you don't want all that food
  
• horrible dream
  
• new office
  
• take it to the next level
  
  

I keep having nightmares. It's really starting to bother me.

A bird attacked me today. Repeatedly. And then at work Col Sanders kicked me in the shins. Ok, I made that part up, but the bird story is true. It grazed my head! Jerks.

• Spinny spinny (have I mentioned the Photo Gallery?)
  

Today in Anthropology class we watched a film about the WTO protests in Seattle in 1999. That's right, I'm 7 years behind in current events. Why do I never know what's going on? Anyways, I've always been very pro-protests, but the issue we discussed in class was the extent to which protests and demonstrations have the effect of just reinforcing the existing system. In the film, the demonstrators claimed victory at the end. That was 7 years ago, and they thought they had changed the way WTO meetings would be conducted from then on. But there's demonstrations at every WTO meeting. Being involved in demonstrations sustains the illusion of freedom of speech and all that... maybe that's all it does; the powers that be still ignore the people. But as long as we can do these demonstrations and claim victory, we feel like we've made a difference. It's all HEGEMONY (see the Lapsipedia of Literary Theory [woefully incomplete still] for all my biased definitions—hegemony is under Marxism).

• the buttered cat paradox. This subject should really be thoroughly investigated.

What with full-time classes and near-full-time work...hobbies are going by the wayside. Drawings will likely no longer be daily, though I'll still try to post them at times. Music will likely not be happening anymore too, though I do have a couple songs that I might post at some point. I really miss Midweekend... 9am to 9pm EVERY FREAKIN' DAY is getting old really quick. I no longer have time for homework. But the GraphMaster will not be defeated.

• new teen girl squad!
• I have mathematically proven that Col. Sanders is singlehandedly responsible for making bees sad.
• My gosh, why do they even offer degrees in English? They should know people will regret it.

• The debalconization of Pül's microwave (and an orange)
• I found a big stash of fortune cookie fortunes. Oh boy! Fortune Cookies 3.
• Heap of new music. Most of it is available here

Here's an assortment of disturbing things:

• The Gashlycrumb Tinies
• Salad Fingers
• Babies. I now find babies more frightening than bobbleheads and dolls. They remind me of the aliens in the X-Files movie.

Yesterday at work I had a computer stupdities experience:

Me: ok, now select your CD drive.
Customer: No, it's a Dell. I'm not sure how old it is.
Me: but you said you have the file on a CD, right?
Customer: I think it has a CD drive. It's a Dell.
Me: is the CD in the computer right now?
Customer: yeah, of course, I already put it in.
Me: ok, then let's go into your CD drive and find the file.
Customer: it's probably a few years old...could be ten.

I went to my parents' farm today. Here's some token beeface pictures, and Jaden being awesome:

         

My sister and her baby were also there. The only problem with that is that she likes to change him on my bed. I hate going home to a garbage-can-full of dirty diapers.

In my anthropology class, we talked about "cultural categories" and how people will starve even though there's edible things around, just because they don't consider them to be food. I still think this is going a bit far. We also talked about Santa Clause, and how back in the good ol' days there used to be two Santa-like characters: one who gave toys to good kids, and one who came around and beat the bad kids.

How about the Thinker? or is it even worse? I am NOT going to put Colonel Sanders as my background picture.

• the Lapsionary now has search capabilities.


• More Fortune Cookies
  

U of S keeps pestering me about sending transcripts, and I keep forgetting to tell them I'm not going.

• all drawings are now in the alphabetized catalogue.


• Tech Humour. Here's one of my favourites:
  

After half an hour of patiently talking a customer through what should have been a one minute process, she finally stated, "Oh! Now it says, 'Are you sure you want to rebuild the desktop on the disk XXX?'"

• Tech Support: "Ok--"
• Customer: "Oh, now there's something like a spinning barber pole on the screen."
• Tech Support: "You didn't press 'OK' did you?"
• Customer: "Yes. You said 'OK'."
• Tech Support: (acting alarmed) "I just said 'Ok,' I didn't mean for you to press 'OK'!"
• Customer: (panicking) "What should I do now?"
• Tech Support: "Run! Get out of there! Run! Run!"

The next thing he heard was the phone hitting the floor, the sound of rapidly retreating footsteps, and a door slam. After numerous calls over the course of an hour, the customer finally answered the phone. She had waited outside for an hour -- when the computer didn't explode, she went back inside and unplugged it.

• The Fortune Cookie fortunes

Since some people think my blog sucks, you should all vote whether or not you find the background picture annoying.

Background picture - so good or no good?
	So good!
	No good!
	Who cares!

Midweekend was pretty awesome today.

I finally got my long-awaited migraine medication. But it's doubly awesome, because not only did the doctor give me a prescription for the stuff I specifically requested (which is retarculously expensive: it would have been over $100 for 6 pills - that's $15 per pill! - every month (and I'm only allowed to take 6 pills per month), but thanks to special status in the drug plan, I only have to pay 23% of that), but she also gave me some preventative medication too to take every day (only $2.73/month!).

I also went shopping, and got a variety of clothes in varying shades of brownness. I think most of what I own is brown. I know, I always look the same. But today I got some (brown) skirts too (the fortune cookie was wrong).

New drawings have commenced.

Looks like it's time for some updation.

This weekend I went to Saskatoon with some of my family. It was fairly awesome (or would have been, if I hadn't been feeling like crap the whole time). I got to see/stay in my brother's new house, saw my cousin's new condo, and we went on a river cruise. But it was generally too hot out. Here's a couple pictures of the trip.

Classes are going decently, at least they're not too much work. I actually really like Romantic poetry, and the prof doesn't require us to analyze stuff all the time (just for our essays, which he requires us to do historical research for), so maybe I'll actually enjoy the reading. As for anthropology, it doesn't matter if I even pass the class, but my perfectionist habits are compelling me to do as well as I can. Also, my cousin's husband is teaching the class, so I'd be kind of embarrassed to fail. Plus I've never even come close to failing anything ever before, no need to start now.

Yes, drawings from the library would appear to be over. It was the posting every day that I couldn't keep up with. Perhaps I'll put a drawing up now and then on this blog, but probably not.

• I highly recommend this if you need a quick complaint letter.


• The Oxford English Dictionary Online (this only works if you have a password. UofR students can access it as part of the library services. SERVICES!). I'm going to have to say "behoney" and "behoof" a lot, now that I know they're real words.

And finally, today marks the thirtieth phonecall from the Britons.

Classes start today. Lit Survey II should be ok, at least. I have to make UofR give me my scholarship, because if they don't then I sure don't want to take anthropology.

I'm so sick of residence. I wish I was anywhere else. But it looks like I'll be here a long, long time (in general, not just Luther specifically). But next year I've been invited to go to Paris for two or three weeks, so that's something to look forward to I guess.

This year was the first time I've ever participated in any sort of Canada Day festivities. Actually....gosh, it's the first summer festivities of any sort that I've ever participated in. The afternoon was most disappointing, but the evening and fireworks were great (aside from the many, many mosquito bites that I collected). I'd never really seen fireworks in person before, just the little ones people would set off themselves all over the beach near camp. I vaguely recall seeing some great fireworks in Quebec too, but we don't speak of that trip. Oh, and I did see some footage of the ones in Victoria that my Dad's cousin organizes, but footage is very boring and we fast-forwarded through as much as possible when nobody was looking. Anyways, the fireworks last night were great. Happy Canada Day.

And, I also watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail in its entirety for the first time last night. So awesome.

I think I'm immune to painkillers. Ibuprofen and acetaminophen don't seem to work in any amount, and morphine appears to make my whole body ache. The time has come to demand true migraine medication. Shall do that next week.

I'm out at my parents' farm for my mid-week-weekend. Today we went on a wildflower safari. It's always a safari out here.

• this thing is better than my laptop!

Done! And I even wrote "Crakespeare" in my exam (except I only used it once...I got nervous. But I sure didn't say "Shakespeare" at all in the exam. For all the prof knows, I'm under the impression that all the plays we've taken during this entire Shakespeare course were written by someone named Crakespeare). And I even went for a walk...outside...after my exam (but not for long; there were mosquitos and I was carrying books).

Hopefully I won't neglect the Literary Theory page I started, but I must say, I just might never think about literary theory again.

Aw, gosh... I missed the LBC Banana Relay fundraiser. I love banana relays...not that I've actually been in one for many a year. Last summer I got to be in charge of the card game segment, where kids would run and run until they got to me, and I'd throw a deck of 82 cards all over the ground and make them pick it up before they could go on. Another time I buried matches in the sand in the beach, and the kids had to find them so that they could run a mile more and light a fire. And then after all the kids had come by and we were still on the beach, I tried to see if you can light one match off another by rubbing the heads together...you can, but it's best if you don't have a handful of matches. My whole bundle of matches went up in flames. Actually...maybe it's a good thing I wasn't in the fundraiser.

• another invention

My Lit Theory prof talked at me about doing honours again today. Maybe that's what I ought to do, before I think about doing a Master's. Perhaps.

So who else is willing to finance my decision to always write "Crakespeare" instead of "Shakespeare" on my Shakespeare final this evening?

Ah, finally my mad-English-knowledge might prove useful. I have to post this on my blog because the person who asked me was all "OFFLINE!" when I tried to reply.

Question: What's the difference between a moped and a scooter?

Answer: Wikipedia would have you believe that small scooters generally fit the definition of a moped. Here's my answer: "moped" is the past tense of "mope." I don't think scooters really fit that definition, even generally. Hope this helps!

The end's in sight: I have a take-home final due Monday, and my other final is Monday evening. I think I'll attempt to clean my room after that, and possibly venture outside. I'm getting a little delirious from being inside all the time.

• Cat chases bear up tree
  
• Rare cirrus cloud "rainbow"

Woot! Last day of classes. Now I have time to make beep-beep sounds. In literary theory today, someone brought up some point or other about Shakespeare, and the prof said, "But Shakespeare isn't art," and I accidentally laughed out loud (I was the only one). Apparently, she meant that Shakespeare is a person, and his writing is art, but I thought she was just commenting on how Shakespeare is actually crappy. And then in Crakespeare class we watched the BBC version of King Lear, and I laughed out loud in that, too. Well gosh, if it's a tragedy then they shouldn't be saying "Boo hoo. Boo hoo," should they?

I set up my computer so that I can talk to it, but it doesn't listen very well. It often ignores me because of my accent ("Accent?" you say. "What accent?" Well, you've got to talk in a German accent if you're ordering your computer to "launch ze nucleah missiles"). And I'll be in the middle of typing something and it will suddenly paste everything on the clipboard into my document (it's happened twice while I've been typing this post), and then I'll be listening to some music and it will suddenly tell me a knock knock joke. Oh, and it's name is Banjo. You have to say "Banjo" before you give it a command.

Dog River isn't all that impressive. I should have gotten a picture of the backs of the buildings, they were much more interesting. It always seems to rain when we go on excursions; the dirt roads were almost impossible (at least that's what the signs said: "Road improbable when wet." Well, maybe more like "impassible," but my version's more accurate).

No bee-face pictures this time, but I do have a great sock-knot picture. It looks pretty comfortable.

I started proofreading for Project Gutenberg. I've been working on...Shakespeare... And it's even worse Shakespeare than normal because it's a book from the 1600s, with wrong spellings and v's for u's and whatnot. And lots of footnotes that need reformatting. I also did one page from a 1920s encyclopedia, but that was long and boring, except for all the editorial comments. I don't know why they even bother to do biased, outdated encyclopedias. Nobody's going to read it.

I've pretty much finished both my Shakespeare essays for next week, so other than finetuning Crakespeareanism, I'm almost Shakespeare-free! Well, except for the proofreading, but at least I don't have to think about the text in that. I had originally planned to read every Shakespeare play (the ultimate sacrifice!) for my Crakespeareanisming. Maybe I'll delay that for a while. Enough Shakespeare. Gosh. Time for lit theory.

This is the frightening bobblehead that lives beside my desk at work. The evilness of its face is entirely unneccessary. Creepy thing...wielding chicken...

I'm very proud to have invented a new method of literary criticism. I'm still working out the details, but you can check out my new Crakespeareanist Theory here. I expect it to gain immense popularity within the literary criticism community in the future (actually probably not....I seem to be the only person who doesn't think Shakespeare was a genius. I almost accidentally called him Crakespeare in class the other day. How embarrassing.) Bah, people and their Crakespasming. I actually used to like Shakespeare.

I'm hoping to swing by Dog River (home of Corner Gas!) next weekend on my way to Father's Day festivities at my uncle's. (Father's Day festivities are almost as exciting as Boxing Day celebrations.) Last year we detoured in order to drive by the Corner Gas town, but ended up getting lost as we tried to take gravel roads (mostly dirt roads that were closed because of flooding) the rest of the way. That reminds me, I should find my video of the Enraged Badger to post.

Been doing pretty much nothing but reading for classes this weekend. I read the whole Feminism section in only 8 or 9 hours! Gosh I hate Feminism. I think it's just an urban myth. Feminists frighten me as much as bobble-head dolls (which I've also been threatened with an unusual amount lately...blasted Colonel Sanders).

I also got a letter from the Physics Department: "I encourage you to continue on in your university studies, especially in Physics. ... We hope to see you in intermediate and advanced Physics courses in the future."

It would appear that I'm suddenly registered in an anthropology class...boo-urns (although I majored in Anthropology for my very first three days of university). I really wish I could take World Music instead, but it's off-campus.

It just occurred to me that the Britons haven't called in a long time...I feel snubbed.

Back to homework now.

P.S. drawings are now located here.

My lit theory prof asked me today if I'd thought about doing honours or masters (or both) in english. My reply: "I used to. The reason I chose not to is because I hate english...but not this class. This class is awesome." Which is completely true. She said something like "Oh good...I mean, it's too bad you didn't enjoy your other english classes, but good that you like this one." I can't decide...it would seem that I have some sort of aptitude for english. It's kind of like when I decided to leave music performance (except I liked that, a lot). People used to ask me why I changed out of music. They never seemed to understand that there was no reason, so I started saying "because I do stupid things." Like english, I guess.

It would appear that I've gotten a scholarship for this summer...but I have to take an additional class. Unfortunately, all the easy classes are either half over or full or the wrong time or off-campus. I'm not sure if I really want to take another class, even though I'd get full tuition. Actually, that's not true; I know darn well I don't want to take any more classes than necessary. We'll see what develops.

Crakespeare class was awesome today. Because I left halfway through. I think I've encapsulated the very complex meaning of Crakespeare perfectly: Crakespeare in the Lapsionary.

I can't believe my English prof marked things like "split infinitive" on my essay. Split infinitive? Split infinitive?? Basically, that means you're not allowed to say "to quickly run," you have to say "to run quickly." First of all, the split infinitive is an urban myth; the only reason it was ever a "rule" in English is because they used to model written English on Latin, and in Latin the infinitive is all one word, so you can't separate it. What if I want "to boldly go" where no one's gone before? Apparently I'm not allowed to. Bah, Cringlish (ah, another word that belongs in the lapsionary). On the other hand, only two weeks left of classes.

• This is like me and chocolate...except I'm not diabetic.


• Hey! Someone stole my uphill curling! That was original, I tell you!
  

• This is the awesomest ad I've ever seen.
  
  "This Advertisement for the new Honda Accord was shot in real time with no CGI involved in the sequence. It required 606 takes and cost $6 million to shoot and took 3 months to complete."

Oh that's awesome...somebody came to my drawing site looking for "jaden drawings."

• Mēgan's Dictionary - That's right...I've started my own special dictionary. It's pretty bland at the moment, and far from complete. But I'll be concentrating all my efforts on it for a while, and will add more words as they come up.
  

This weekend is Mosaic. I've only ever been to it once, when I was significantly younger. And then a couple years ago Amy and I helped our cousin man his chainmail booth in the English pavillion at the Saskatoon Folk Fest. That experience was dominated by this, "Angel" from the crazy fortune-telling booth beside us (my gosh, when she bent over her entire upper body disappeared! It was truly remarkable). And also a bus ride with a bunch of loud drunk people.

Here's my new plan: instead of doing a Master's about Tolkien...I'll just read the Lord of the Rings again. That seems like it will be much less work. Maybe I'll read Siegfried too. There's a lot of things I'd like to read, and after these summer classes I'll finally have time to do it. Woot! Three more months to go!

I'll never understand the way English profs mark. I was expecting a high-90s in my Crakespeare midterm, but got shockingly less, even though all she wrote on my paper were things like "Well put," Very good," "A clearly excellent response: sophisticated analysis and effective writing," "Full and thoughtful response," "√√√." And it isn't even that I write bad; I consider myself a pretty darn good writer (I'm arrogant in that way). And even so, content should matter more in this level of English class than how well one writes. Personally, I think the writing well should be stressed more in 100 and 110, and good writing should be rewarded more there than it currently is. There are a lot of people out there who haven't the faintest grasp of the English language, and I often wondered how they managed to speak. So why, then, do people who obviously have a fantastic command of English not get recognized for it in their classwork? I just feel like there's no point in trying if a half-ass job will get me just the same results as if I actually try. Profs, take note: your lousy marks are inhibiting my potential!

Fun fact: "niggardly" has an entirely different etymology from a certain inappropriate word (i.e. Old Norse as opposed to Spanish). A few years ago, some politician in the States was fired after he referred to a budget as "niggardly." Here's what my Methods prof had to say on the subject in class: "Why should I apologize because you completely misunderstood something I said, and the only reason you misunderstood me is that you're fucking illiterate?? If I were in that situation (and I would definitely get fired for this) I would have said 'You're right. It was terrible. I'm sorry you're illiterate.'"

The cafeteria makes me irate. I've been trying to avoid it.

I think I'd like to do a Masters in English after all, not this year but possibly next year. But only if they'll let me study Tolkien. That would be so awesome.

Yesss! Finally, I got some returnable junkmail.

Round 2 of Operation Junkmail

To whom it may concern:
I thank you deeply for your continued concern about my credit situation. I am sending you some offers that I think you may be interested in. They are all very good deals, so I encourage you to consider them. I have many more offers that would not fit into the return envelope, but I am confident that you will write me again soon, so I'll send the rest to you then. HAVE A NICE DAY :)

I saw two kids with wandals today. Seriously! Their feet were made of wheels! Like this.

The Roughrider directly below me likes to say "WOO!" a lot.

I'm working on some bee poetry. I'm thinking, something along the lines of "I like to caress rusty bees." Ah yes, I also watched every episode of Salad Fingers this afternoon. For the first time. It's creepy, but what's most creepy about it is that Salad Fingers' voice is exactly like the Music Department Head's voice (or at least, exactly like how I talk when I'm quoting her).

Good old Luther gatherings...


Moustaches for all!

aw CRAP! Too many things plugged into outlets. My one outlet-and-lightswitch unit suddenly quit, which reduces my outlets by half. Good thing I got that power bar, but I'll probably have to wait until Maintenance returns on Monday for that to get fixed.

Blasted little girls shrieking... but I can turn my bass louder than them. NIN will drown them out.

I started a new page for poetry (see sidebar). I expect it will be mostly about scones and oranges. That's my priorities in life.

There's some highschool kids in residence now. I hear little girl shrieking.

This is a bee.

I now get Wednesdays off work, and took the opportunity to go for a walk by the lake this afternoon. It's the first time I've really been outside (other than crossing the street from my car to work--by the way, last time people started honking at me as I waited patiently on the corner. Uncouth, if you ask me) in a long time. If it weren't overly windy (a little wind is good), I'd say the weather's perfect right now. If I can't see the sun, it's a good day for me.

• mario in person

Today was Freud-day in Methods class. I quite agree with my prof that "I hate this shit...it sends me into paroxysms of rage." Well, perhaps I don't get worked up about it like she does, but I do think Freud is entirely wrong about everything.

I finally got to see my new nephew Nathan (aka "Sockhands"):
Well, I've had quite enough of babies for a while. Just like my brother told me once when I was little: "Stop being a baby. Nobody likes babies."

I went to my parents' farm this weekend. It was nice to eat a real meal for once. Man, vegetables! And fresh fruit! No visit home would be complete without a picture of Jaden with a bee on his face:

So Ryan gave me an orange-peeling lesson, and I think we've isolated my problem. I can peel them just fine, but the eating part becomes disastrous. You can't eat the under-peel, I tell you! And it doesn' t peel off, or else it makes a fantastic mess. So you have to just eat the inside out of the orange-halves. That's the problem. Orange-corpse everywhere.

I wasted most of my free time today playing piano and making beep-beep noises on my computer (you can find the results of that in the new MIDI Excursions on my music page. There's also a new impromptu).

Every day I walk across the street from my car to the unidentified place where I work. There's no pedestrian crossing, but I don't mind waiting until all the cars are gone, then standing on the boulevard until all those cars are gone. But for some reason, a whole string of cars will go by, then the last car in the line stops and waits for me to cross the street. Very couth of them, but not really necessary.

All right. Which one of you broke my blog earlier?

Should this really be in my bottle of vitamins? "DO NOT EAT."

Those purple-flowered trees are pretty but they make me sneeze.

Today was a surprisingly good day.

Methods class is always tough, but I love the fact that it's interesting, we have good discussions (it's even better if I don't have to contribute, but I usually do), and I'm finding myself applying all these crazy theories to stuff all the time. Actually, it would be a perfect class if I could somehow remove my name from the deck of cards she uses to determine who will say something next, because then I wouldn't have to feel obliged to learn the material beforehand (which doesn't really happen), and I could just go to class and benefit from listening to the discussions. We're supposed to be learning how to argue a case, and I think I've made several successes in an ongoing argument by applying a bunch of obscure terms and making alarming connections between literary theory and general life. Don't you just love the word "quiddity"?

For the first time ever, I didn't have a headache during Crakespeare class (and probably won't in the future since I'm getting Wednesdays off work). The prof always calls on me to answer questions that nobody immediately answers, partly because I sit closest to the front, but also (I suspect) because she knows my name (mostly because I drew attention to the fact that it's Meeeegan), and also because I always give the right answers. Maybe I'll even get decent participation marks this semester. Go forced participation!

Quiddity: the thingness of the thing. E.g. The stoniness of the stone; the treeness of the tree; the smockness of the smock. "Waiter! I say, this soup is of questionable quiddity!"

Oh my goodness...I don't know why it's always so disastrous when I peel oranges. There are bits of orange-corpse everywhere. How does it get in my hair?

This has been a remarkably bad day.

I woke up with a worsened version of what I've termed a "Monday/Wednesday headache," which, ideally, I could get rid of with a special blend of pills, some earplugs, near-complete darkness, and a solid morning of sleep in my special headache-recovery position and my headache-recovery pyjamas. Instead, I went to class because I didn't understand any of the material for today (I still don't).

I had my usual crappy Methods class (which actually has some fantastic discussions in it, it's probably one of the most useful and un-pointless English classes that exist), which today I had no idea what was going on because the readings make no sense, and the assignment I wrote makes even less. Of course, when the prof drew my name (indicating I was to speak), I demonstrated my general lack of understanding and said something only slightly intelligible, but the prof seemed to understand it. We didn't actually get time to go over the assignments, so I'll never know what the heck "discourse" is supposed to be, or how you get it (as far as I've been able to discern, "discourse" is what you call a literary work when you examine it as not being present, or not being a thing, or the things inside it are not things...so you look at the work but imagine it's not there--I don't get it, and we never really got at discourse in class).

Then I tried to nap for twenty minutes before I left for work. The sandwich they gave me in my bagged lunch was soggy (and sad...), so I've basically eaten nothing yet today.

Then at work I started taking my first calls, and I don't know what the heck is going on, or how to solve problems. Plus, I'm even more incoherent over the phone than I am in person.

[there was never anything in this space]

So my headache gradually worsened and I was happy to go home. But...climbing stairs generally makes things worse so I took the elevator. The elevator rose about a foot and then stopped. The phone in it doesn't freaking work! So I was stuck in the elevator for a generous amount of time, ringing the pitiful alarm bell (Bernil was sitting in the lounge right beside the elevator, apparently, and was going to come and tell the person inside the elevator to shut up because he was trying to study. This is what I was afraid of: it doesn't occur to people that someone might actually need help) until Maintenance finally pulleyed me down to the basement. At least Maintenance was still there.

Then I went to pay tuition and residence fees, which is always traumatic, but I couln't actually pay it all.

Then some Roughriders told me I was rude.

My roommate habitually slams her door, more loudly than I would have expected possible.

I have a cold. Who gets a cold in summer? It could also be allergies, but I'm betting it's a cold.

I definitely won't get to go visit my sister and her baby in the hospital today.

And now my head is aching, I have to read a Crakespeare play for tomorrow (the first reading I'll have done for that class yet) as well as Criterary Theory reading and assignment. It would behoove me to get rid of this headache because tomorrow is another one of those days...

My sister had her baby today. Some sort of Nathan boy, I believe. Woot.

I logged onto the phone system at work today for the first time...but no calls. I guess I was only logged on for about half an hour.

• Customer: "I want to download the Internet. Do I need a bigger hard disk?" You can download the Internet here (so now you can forward an internet to your friends after all!). Stick around for the error message.
  

Also at work today, I was gifted some Lungbutter CDs:

Super banana, he's here to save the day.
Super banana, use a pen to draw his face.
Super banana, he's never ever late.
Super banana, he's really really great.

Aaaaah! Aaaaah!
I'll save you!

Do do-do do-do do. do-do. do-do do-do do-do do. do-do...

Whenever I have music playing while I'm doing homework, I tend to not do homework and just listen to the music, so I usually listen to my low-attention playlist (i.e. I'm able to do other things at the same time as it's playing). Today I've just been listening to the same song over and over and over and over, because it's just that awesome and I can tune it out if necessary.

There are new drawings and phototoons. Back to homework. I finally figured out how metaphor/metonymy/similarity/contiguity applies to this crazy "second-order semiological system of signs being signifiers and whatnot" that some fellow keeps talking about.

....do do-do do-do do, do-do, do-do do-do do-do do.

I feel sorry for the next credit card company that offers me a credit card. I just added a whole pile of junkmail to my alarmingly large stack today. It definitely won't all fit in one envelope.

I think there's another Shea (I guess Shea-ette) lurking somewhere on the quad, but my only evidence is the loud thumping bass that occasionally changes in frequency. At least it's not my neighbours.

RRRRRGGGGHH!!!!! Intolerant fanatics who ask your opinion on something, and then ignore and dismiss everything you say, no matter how well you argue, and are set in their opinions and refuse to even try looking at an issue any other way, and then contradict you even if you try to defend their opinion....they make me wrathful. Rhgpftblk.

I finally got myself a watch today. I haven't known what time it is for about 5 or 6 months now. I've rushed through exams because I didn't know how much time I had left, and sat through classes that (I'm pretty sure) went two hours overtime, and gone to class twenty minutes early just so I'd be there when it got around to starting. But all that's remedied now. And it's not even bee-time!

Hoo boy. I've already started missing classes, but I'm justifying missing Thursday on the argument that I've destroyed linguistic literary theory. I'm not too concerned about not being there to "participate" when she draws my name (which is how she determines who will have something to say on any given issue), because last time I participated I got ridiculed.

Mostly, I really need some do-nothing time in every day. These Mondays and Wednesdays are pretty detrimental. But, my plan is to do the entire week's readings (and ideally assignments) the weekend before. Hopefully that should solve everything. And tomorrow I finally, finally get to sleep in...if all goes well.

Except still no time for MIDI or silent films yet.

Whoops, wasn't allowing random people to comment on phototoons, but that's remedied. Drawings/phototoons on hold until friday.

This is retarculous. For tomorrow, I have to read King Lear and a 40-page essay about it for my Methods class, and Romeo and Juliet for my Crakespeare class; revise the written assignment after today's discussion; do the written assignment for tomorrow; I should finish the Methods readings that I was supposed to have finished for today but didn't despite getting up before 7:00; and, I should also read the three essays for Thursday Methods class, since I'm in class and at work from 9:30 to 10:00 tomorrow (not just half an hour, unfortunately) and found out yesterday that Methods homework takes more like five hours than three.

Or maybe University is supposed to be challenging. I'll try to stop complaining.

Today was the first day of classes. Cancel all silent film schemes, and probably put drawings from the library on hold, because it would appear that I'll have no time for the next two months to do anything besides classes, work, and homework. My morning class will require at least 3 hours of homework a night--the type of reading that you have to decrypt every sentence for five minutes before you realize that it's not really saying anything at all, plus written work that I need to have done each day in order to even get into the classroom. How am I supposed to read an entire play plus a couple literary theory-type essays for one class? And that's about the amount of reading every day. The Crakespeare class will have tons of reading too.

Speaking of Shakespeare, I don't care about Shakespeare. I mean, come on: "O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day, most woeful day, That ever, ever, I did yet behold! O day! O day! O Day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this: O woeful day, O woeful day!" And so on. Not even a comedy. Well, I suppose I do sometimes go around saying "O day! O day! O day!" But I wouldn't want to watch a play about it. Blasted Shakespeare, thinking he's so great and we should all read his crappy plays.

And why is it so darn loud here all the time? Gotta go start my massive homework so they'll let me go to class tomorrow.

I suppose phototoons is up and running. I'm hoping to do the grandest silent film yet in the near future--actually, un-silent, since I'm planning on making an elaborate soundtrack involving mostly the word "scone"--but won't have a lot of time to waste on that pretty soon. It will probably feature most of you who read this blog (hope that's ok. If not, I'll think of a hilarious pseudonym to call you).

• New Jersey needs a new slogan? I've got the perfect slogan generator for them. It's how I got all the "great" slogans for this site. How about, "How do you eat your New Jersey?" Or "Good New Jersey has Danish written all over it." Haha, this one is so awesome: "Nothing sucks like a New Jersey." ...by the way, I'm not picking on New Jersey or anything, for those of you who happen to live there.

I forgot to audition for National Youth Choir, which will wrap up at Podium 2006 in Victoria this year. Ah well, if I didn't take classes in May I wouldn't be able to graduate. Still, NYC is better than graduating. That reminds me, when I was in it in 2004, some newspaper in Manitoba published an article all about how we were rehearsing at the University in Brandon, but the title said something like "Young singers headed for New York City." I suppose they were confused by the NYC (which is supposed to stand for National Youth Choir).

Adsense is so clever. The ads on my drawings page are always for banjos or banjo sheet music. Somebody was looking for "mean bee drawings" on my site the other day. I mostly specialize in happy bee drawings, but I'll add a mean bee or two anyway.

Yesterday I moved up to 4th floor as required. Now I have about twice the floorspace that I had in my old room, but about half the number of outlets and one third the amount of shelves. I also found two of those ugly bugs dead under the mattress.

In theory, there ought to be a multitude of new MIDI ditties in the future, but what with classes and work, I don't think I'll be able to spend as much time on that as I'd hoped (although I'll have to remedy the outlet situation before I can do anything anyway). Actually, what with classes and work, I don't think I'll have time to do as much required reading and homework as I ought to. So it will probably be a most unrelaxing summer.

I was going to congratulate myself on getting through a whole week of work without a single headache, but Friday broke the record. The feverfew panacea has failed me.

Wooooohooooot! I haven't had an all-90 semester for a few years now.

Somebody performed this at the music festival the other day:

• Lieder (from Fascinating Aida)

Personally, I think his was much better, if only because he pronounced every "and" as "und." And he did the German bit in the middle way better too.

Today was my first day of work--all hail Amy!--(which is conveniently located across the street from a feverfew store. They might sell other stuff too, I wouldn't know). So this is kind of my first "real" job. You know, one where I have to do stuff. Camp and the library don't count, and Sask Express certainly doesn't count. The only problem at this point is that I know absolutely nothing about anything at MarkeTel, and will have to remedy that as quickly as possible.

• May Day!

Last year I missed May Day in Berlin by just a couple weeks. According to Whatshisface and his stupid hat, East and West Berliners traditionally throw stuff at each other across the river (as seen in the picture). Whatshisface seemed to think that this--as well as every squatter house in Kreutzberg--would be highly significant to us. I think he chose a tour route that deliberately took us past all the squatter houses he knew of. The prof was not impressed.