I went to my parents' farm this weekend. It was mostly awesome, my Dad took me on two safaris (well, I just like to call them that)--three, if you count the one where I helped pull the tractor out of the slough. Mostly we just drove around looking at things. The first time, though, we quadded extensively all over the fields looking for muddy spots, and I discovered what photophobia means. The best part of the weekend was probably when Jaden showed me his bee collection (just one bee, but still!).

And my cat's face exploded. Quite literally. It was ok until he rubbed it all over my hair when I wasn't looking.

Hehe... Student Employment Services sends me summer job postings several times a day.

"Ability to exercise a considerable degree... Must be able to do light lifting, bending and filing for extended periods."

Hey! I'm awesome at bending! Especially my elbows. I might have left out part of the job description...

I found a hideous centipede in my room today. It was crawing towards my keyboard (probably planning to go under the keys and die--they do that, you know).

I've been going through my room in an attempt to get rid of stuff before I move up a floor. In the process, I found THIS: The Ballad of the Scone-Hunters, which I wisely rejected as a contribution to my creative writing class last semester.

   "Just the place for a scone!" Antonio bemoaned
   As he handled his crate with care,
   Withdrawing from It a piece of bowsprit,
   While a mandal sat perched in his hair.

   "Just the place for a scone! I have said it twice,
   Though that's just an urban myth.
   Just the place for a scone! I have said it thrice.
   That ought to convince you forthwith."

   Antonio's men were all silent then.
   They were gathered for only one cause:
   Locate and obtain for their own selfish gain
   A scone; then applaud with "huzzah's."

   "Gosh, what's going on--there's something quite wrong"
   Antonio seemed to be saying.
   "After all this, the bloke who's amiss
   Would merit an untimely flaying."

   A man up above hollered down, "Sorry guv,
   But you are so unspeakably wise!
   I'll come down ASAP!" Then some other chap
   Quite littered the air with his "aye's."


Oh that Antonio. That's about where I gave up. Pretty much just a string of nonsense with several inside jokes embedded in it. And highly plagiarizing Lewis Carroll. But it doesn't contain nearly enough mathematical symbols.

It's my very last day of work at the library ever. I'm the only one in here right now. Just me and the radio and a thousand-page novel. And a computer, but I think I'll restrict computer usage to a minimum for the rest of the day, because I've been "working" on mine for about 7 hours so far today. Needless to say, I arrived at work with the most bloodshot eyes I've ever had. But you'll find the fruits of my labour in the sidebar, entitled "European Adventure." Oh yes. Another almost-silent film.

And another call from the Britons today. They've started rerunning their recordings, so now it's the initial message. In a few days it will get a little more insistent, then next week they'll outright shout at me.

Most of my quad moved out today--at least, most of the important people. The Whistle Queen is still lurking around, but she doesn't count. And Julie-Anne left forever (at least, until next year. But next year I'll be gone). By the way, Jules, if you read this you should tell me what your email address is or something.

Gosh, is it ever quiet in here... maybe I'll be able to close early.

English subtitles to Japanese movies--so improved:

1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
3. Gun wounds again?
4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
7. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
12. You daring lousy guy.
13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
14. I have been scared shitless too much lately.
15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?
19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.
20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.
21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.

I discovered the source of the incessant whistling: the TV crew all have whistles, and they blow them whenever something in their life annoys them, or whenever something on TV annoys them (keeping in mind that these girls watch TV all day). When they're not whistling, they're clicking cap guns.

If I ever find a whistle left unattended in the lounge, it's only a few steps to the balcony. whistle.... balcony.... whistle... balcony...

• Look at the size of this rabbit!

Guess how many times this had been forwarded before it got to me:

>>>> >> >>>>
>>>> >> >>>>so i know
>>>>we all hate these things by now but at least this
>>>> >>one
>>>> >> >>>>had an actual name on the bottom not just a
>>>>"thanks"....i'd
>>>> >>feel
>>>> >> >>>>better
>>>> >>if it had an email address so i could email and
>>>> >> >>>>complain....by the way if you check msn.com they have
>>>>nothing
>>>> >>on
>>>> >> >>>>it about this but whatever this is IT for me!
>>>> >>
>>>> >>>>____________________________________________

Right. Msn is requiring all hotmail users to spread spam. I know a certain someone who is going to be henceforth redirected directly to the trash. Who needs hotmail anyway? Gmail's where it's at.

English and Latin turned out well after all--still waiting on Astronomy and Music. Just one more final on Tuesday (physics--also a high potential in that class...just like there was in astronomy). Finals tend to make me moody and generally upset. I've done almost every single practice problem I've attempted incorrectly so far. Someone on my quad appears to be trying to learn how to whistle--all I hear all the time is this airy monotone whistling that's quite annoying. My loud neighbour told me to keep it down today, and I think I just about started crying...or laughing hysterically. It's hard to tell which. I hope they all move out soon.

"Dear Megan,

Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have been conditionally admitted to the University of Saskatchewan in the College of Arts & Science - Bachelor Degree (Undeclared) Program..."

At first I thought it said I was "cordially admitted." I would have preferred that. But I would have been very surprised if I hadn't been admitted.

So this causes all sorts of problems. The thought of five more years of school makes me grieve a little. I don't really want to go to Saskatoon (at all, actually). I have to pay my tuition for the first time ever this summer (darn scholarship's run out), plus I have to pay for the privilege of staying in my prison cell and eating gruel and stale breadcrusts and being generally malnourished (which I've unilaterally declared as the main trigger of my migraines). I was too late to apply for scholarships for next year. Realistically, I can't afford to go to school.

But I probably should. My English degree has long since exhausted any usefulness it ever served. But I don't want to. But it would be worth it in the end. But what if I don't get accepted into pharmacy anyway? I'm barely even interested in pharmacy. The only thing I'd like about being a pharmacist would be stealing all the rizatriptan I can carry. And you can bet I would.

Here are my options, as I see them:

1) Go to U of S for five years
2) Get a job
3) Finish my voice ARCT (in maybe one year?) and get a job

Problems with No. 1:

a) Can't afford it. Actually, I would be willing to invest in five years of pharmacy because it would definitely pay off. But I'd much rather watch my savings plummet and become worthless with Great West Life.

b) Pharmacy is competitive, and with my luck I probably wouldn't get in after the first pre-pharm year.

c) I'm not all that interested in pharmacy to begin with. Its only attraction is its wages. I'll admit, this is all about money. Pharmacy pays.

Problems with No. 2:

a) Who in their right mind would hire me? Nobody, apparently.

b) I've already been banned from McDonalds, even though I've never worked there. Don't ask.

Problems with No. 3:

a) What's the point? Haven't I got enough useless schooling already?

b) Who in their right mind would hire me? ...again, nobody... and we've established that McDonalds doesn't want me.


Advice, anyone?

Well, the Astronomy exam went worse than expected, if that's possible. I just may have failed it. It's definitely the worst I've ever done on an exam, at any rate, and the only time I've even been close to failing. Oddly enough, this class was my favourite out of the entire four years I've been here (except that field trip to Paris and Berlin). Good thing it's a completely superfluous class--I can't even use it as an elective.

My stomach has not recovered from yesterday. I suspect I gave myself an ulcer or something. Who knew that 16 ibuprofens in one day could be harmful? It's not even three times the maximum recommended daily dose.

And now, for your listening pleasure, I present to you Florence Foster Jenkins, from The Glory(????) of the Human Voice:

• Queen of the Night aria

It's Day 3 of my 3-day final exam festival. English went very well--I think, though the prof thought my last paper was "too disdainful." Latin went pretty awesome too, but there were three essays in addition to the translation that I'm sure she'll find ways to deduct marks on. Today is astronomy, which I should have studied most for of all three exams. Now it's three hours before the exam, I don't know anything I need to, I can't remember the diagrams and formulas I memorized yesterday, I was going to study this morning but ended up sleeping in in an effort to ward off a migraine, and my right eye hurts too much to keep it open right now. And I can't find my calculator. I'm going into the exam with 99.3%. Think of the awesome mark I could have had! Tonight I have to finish my income tax return so the tax-posse doesn't come after me, then I have an entire week to study for physics, so that will probably go well.

Now, back to studying. Or possibly sleeping. Or at the very least, searching for my calculator.

Whenever credit card companies send me junkmail and have a prepaid-postage envelope, I like to send it right back to them. Here's the one I'm sending today (with all references to me ripped off):

I'm also sending them some survey thing from Columbia House and a book offer from National Geographic.

My parents had my Mom's side of relatives over for Easter.

Jaden meets the Easter Bee:
Me too:Moments before my arm is consumed:"Oh my gosh! What did you do to those poor sheep's necks?"

Completely unrelated:

• mmmmm.... fresh from growth medium


• Curse that Easter Bunny!
  

The new music pages are now complete. I've tried to minimize the loudness problem, and the squeaky pedal was kind of behaving when I re-recorded everything yesterday (except the impromptus--the rules for those explicitly prohibit re-recording). What's new: the piano recordings, the impromptus, the electronic music class songs, and a piano recording of "the Letter."

And now I must go outside--far, far away from my computer--to study for finals.

And now to divulge the big secret goings-on: mini-riot at the U of R!

The U of R has cut a lot of credit hours from the Federated Colleges (Luther and Campion). Apparently, the various Deans of the Faculties have been allowing Luther and Campion to teach more classes than usual in recent years, which is good for the Faculties because then they can redirect their resources to other classes--like upper level Englishes, for example. But, since the Faculties were teaching less, they should have received less funding from the U of R, but that didn't happen. So, it's been costing the U of R a lot, and they've been negotiating with the Colleges for a few years. Recently, they cut the credit hours, and also unilaterally took away some classes from Luther (article about recent URSU forum on this subject).

Today a group of us concerned students staged a Gandhi-esque protest. Fifteen of us (mixed Luther, Campion, and UR students) stormed the President's office at about 9:30 am. We were going for 8:30 (and I sure was there at 8:15) but had to wait for more people to show up. It was kind of humorous, the secretary held the door open for us, then the door to the president's office was slightly ajar, so we just walked in and sat down on the floor. The president wasn't there at the moment--we had actually passed him (he was wearing a jogging suit) on our way there. The secretary demanded to know what we were doing, so we gave her our list of goals. She said the president was off-campus.

So we sat around for a while and played some games (I won the poker match), until the VP Admin--Kathryn Laurin, coincidentally past Dean of Fine Arts, as well as director of UR Chamber Singers when I was in it, and National Youth Choir the summer I was in it--came and sat with us. We ignored her for about half an hour, and kept playing games, then someone thought to ask her what she thought about our goals. Then there was a lot of debate for about an hour, and of course I had to go and rant at her about required English classes not being offered. Actually, I thought she made a lot of good points. At least she didn't say "I hear what you're saying, and I take it to heart," like that lady from Security always says--coincidentally, she showed up too(I guess it's not so coincidental that the head of security would show up, but she wasn't overly pleased to see us Luther crew there, since we've recently been hassling her about vehicle vandalism).

Eventually, they proposed to set up a meeting with the president on Monday whenever we wanted, with the only requirements being that we had to leave the office and there would be no press at the meeting. It was surprisingly well organized. Two people on the "outside" organized press releases, and apparently reporters were trying to get in but the whole floor was swarming with security--probably letting all our cars get stolen in the meantime--and they wouldn't let them in. We had a good ten-minute debate on whether or not to accept the proposal, and Kevin (who, I believe, was the key instigator. He did most of the organizing, anyway.) was all for staying until our demands were met. I highly doubt that the president--if he had been there--would have just said "Oh sure, we'll just go ahead and restore all those credit hours to the colleges right now). Just as we were accepting the proposal, someone from a TV station called my cellphone, but I ignored it like the Britons. Leader Post did get pictures of us as we left the office, and Nelson Bird (of Indigenous Circle) came and talked to us as we convened in the Ad-Hum pit below.

The best part: while we were chatting in the pit after, and after the reporters had left, the president of Luther (Bruce) and a plethora of other Luther staff (Residence staff, the Luther chaplain, etc.) came with water bottles and cookies, and cameras. Bruce was all smiles--he had just been told about it by one of the outsiders and was very, very proud of us.

I was hoping for more of a riot, you know, with a couple bulldozers or tanks and some public stonings and maybe sledgehammers bashing the walls. I'm pretty into protests. I think I'll start staging them all the time, on my own if necessary.

Here's all 15 of us in the elevator:

Settling into the president's office:

VP Admin looking bored in the background (right beside me(hidden)):

Leaving the office (actually, pausing for a photo op for a Leader Post photographer):

Disgruntled-looking security guard:

Well, I'm done being political for the day. So, maybe I'll go to the meeting on Monday. Or maybe I'll study for one or more of the finals I have to write Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

In other news:

At the English class windup last night, we played the Lord of the Rings Two Towers board game. It's actually not a game, but a re-enactment of the movie. You have to pick up each card in order, and they say things like "If Gimli picks up this card, move Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, and Gandalf to space #81. Then roll again and move Frodo," and "Gollum must roll 11 in strength to rescue Frodo. All characters must play with Gollum until Frodo is saved." wtf? Nothing game-like about it. Our prof finally insisted on quitting. I might also mention that I was the only person who had ever played that game before. In fact I have all three. Yep, hardcore LOTR fan here. We also got anthologies of all our writing, which brit did an amazing job creating. I was just a little surprised that a section of writing I submitted for it was cut, especially since I definitely submitted the least amount of anybody else in the class. It was my awesome up- the- creek- without- a- paddle joke too.

Last night was also the Luther hot tub party, which means there were two hot tubs directly below my window. The sound came through pretty much as if the window were open, and earplugs didn't help either, so all I could hear all night was "Wooooooo! WOOOOOOO!!!! Hahahahah! boom boom boom boom...Tee hee hee! Wooooooooo!!!! generic dance music WOOOOOOOO- HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" I hate the "wooo." What the fuck is the point of saying "wooooo," idiots. Screaming, rather. And girls are the loudest, highest-pitched, most annoying creatures I can imagine. Pity me for being one. I wish I had some brimstone or poisonous toads to hurl down at them. Well, at least I got a good, solid two hours' sleep before the sit-in.

Last day of classes! And last round of music presentations. woot to that. Tonight I must attend an English class windup at my prof's house, then it's up at 8:00 tomorrow morning for... secret... goings on. More on that tomorrow.

Here you go Jules. As requested:

• crazy Britons

For those of you who are unaware, this is a game I'm playing with some anonymous Britons. The rules of the game are: they leave messages on my cellphone, and I delete the messages. It's slightly reminiscent of the time I forgot to file my tax return, and a posse of taxmen came after me. Except that time it really was me they were after.

• this strikes me as a bit of an oxymoron

Woot woot! Thanks to Ryan, my U of R website is functional...but exceeding disk space after roughly 25 MB. Not even enough room to upload a new index. So perhaps I'll wait out the week for my other website to mature. But I'm sure you'll concur that my UR website is possibly the best website ever.

I went to my parents' farm today, and on the way back I saw a considerable mass of geese. Except it was more impressive in person. And then, when I returned to Regina, I found this in my room (I have divided the spoils into four categories):

It's an Easter Miracle

Minus one chocolate bunny (which belongs in the chocolate pile, of course). My Mom got me a case of juice for Easter instead of the usual chocolate bunny this year. *very dejected "woooot"* I've gotten to a point where the thought of candy (of any kind) sort of sickens me. I suppose that's not an entirely bad thing.

Luthies night tonight. Last year there was only one Luthie award per quad, but this year each had like five or six. But no awards for me. I feel only slightly unloved this year. I thought there was a little too much self-advertising guitar-playing going on, and far too much clapping and cheering and general noise. But then, I'm bitter and my head aches.

Next weekend I should have the new music pages up. In the meantime, I had enough space on my website to upload one song:

• Impromptu 1
  

Right, well for some reason that link isn't working... I mean, for no reason. It's definitely on my old Music page though (follow the "music" link on the sidebar to Megan's Songs).

Things are slightly more under control. I've gotten the thing to work on my computer now, but I'm highly dismayed at the sound quality (and squeaky piano pedal).

• The Letter
  
• Impromptu 1

...okay, the idea was for those to actually be links to the songs, but apparently I've got no more space on my website and can't upload them... I'll probably remedy that tomorrow or something.

I'm just about angry enough to tear out my own jugular right now. It's remarkable how everything I undertake backfires. I originally wrote the following for my English class, and it was directed towards Microsoft; I have deleted certain parts and added appropriate substitutions (in blue):

Curse you, Microsoft! freakin' Sony piece of crap! May your Explorer uh...self be gnawed by bugs severed in twain and plagued by the most bubonic computer viruses in existence my foot kicking you in the side of the teeth, as punishment for your incompatible products -ility. May the largest horse-full of trojans divine sledgehammer ever to wheel itself across the web annihilate... uh... something invade your servers reduce you to the finest of dust, and may cyber-demons some Hellish beast drag you into the very bowels of Hell forever and aye.

I'm mostly mad at myself for the superfluous expensive purchases I keep making. This is kind of similar to that useless $200 map of Middle Earth from a couple years ago. A bloody map. And the Super Bort, whose sole function is blogging.

Got back my English essay today. My prof's written comment: "Forgive me for repeating myself, but your gift with language should be applied always. I hope you'll find ways to publish your work." He also praised my sentence (as follows) to the class: "We can imagine a hypothetical reader--call him Banjo--encountering this piece, at first perusing, then quickly becoming engrossed." Banjo is a very clever, ingenious ploy I have devised in order to avoid saying "the reader this" and "he or she that," so instead I can say "Banjo this" and "he that." Partly that, but also just because I feel it's necessary to mention the word "banjo" in every essay. Yet my mark was not as high as I had hoped. Curse you, Microsoft! English!!

$97.92 in freakin' import charges?! wtf?? It's freakin' tiny!! My gosh, if it doesn't freakin' work...there will be some serious fist-shaking at the skies. (Too many "freakin's?" I'm just restraining myself from stronger words.) But if it does work satisfactorily, it'll sure beat using Reason on the Crortputer--I mean Bortputer. I'm just unimpressed with the whole dL. I had a heck of a time arranging with the blasted company to send it in the first place, then arranging my shipping address with my bank (really, why the heck does it matter if my billing address is different from my shipping address?). That whole process took roughly three weeks. Yesterday they brought it to residence, but residence staff wasn't going to pay the charges, so they took it away again. Today it comes in a huge dented box, and it turns out to be half the size I expected it to be. And the microphone kind of sucks. Boo-urns!

The Britons have started calling my cellphone again, and are leaving more menacing messages than ever. But I'll be damned before I tell them it's the wrong number. Maybe if they'd stop using automated messages, my voicemail would tell them that I am not "Ingrid Natasha," or whoever it is they're after.

In happier(?) news...I was on my way to class this morning when it occurred to me that I was about an hour late. That's why I'm not in charge around here. But my prof thought it was the wrong year, and thought it was our last class today...and decreed that it was the last day of class. woot! That's why she's in charge...but I still have homework to do before the final.

• very big ad

• sweet! It's like extreme golfing ... or ... not-quite-deathly-boring golfing.
  

Wow. I wrote this at the bottom of my drawings page, just to test how stupid people really are:

NOTE: THIS SITE DOES NOT HAVE ANY DRAWINGS OF BEES, BANJOS OR BABIES. I REPEAT, THERE ARE NO BEE CARTOONS, NO BANJO CARTOONS, NO BABY CARTOONS.

The test was successful: people really are that stupid. Somebody searched "drawings of bees" on msn, and the following (I assume) came up:

Let's look at it again:

I think it's pretty clear that I DON'T HAVE ANY FREAKIN' BEE CARTOONS, but people keep coming anyway (and not just for bee cartoons; banjo and baby drawings as well.)

On the other hand, msn.com thinks I'm #1 for drawings of bees.

Augh! There's a fly in my room! Blasted Venus Flytrap is shirking.

Latin Club had a 6-hour meeting today...and I'm still only slightly more than half done my assignment for tomorrow morning.

Round 2 of Music presentations is now over. The prof's official comment on my piece was, "I theenks it remind me of chilren playing wit der lazurs." He must have had an interesting childhood. I tried to peek at what he was writing down, but it was in French.

I just saw the first gopher of Spring-- the first, I tell you!-- whilst at Latin Club (which is a little like Lunch Club...and no the baby is not the gopher, I just think it's funny). The only bad thing about Latin Club is that I'm the only person in Latin Club.

It suddenly occurs to me that I just had a funny dream. But I definitely wasn't asleep--more like typing. Weird.

• Finally, a game made just for me!

Gotta stop playing piano: a) woefully behind in homework b) it makes me depressed

I've been perusing my Paris/Berlin pictures, and just remembered that some random dog came and froofed on one of the profs' shoe. This was after the prof had accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk. I didn't know crushed snail shells could make that big of an echo.

So very tired...must...stay...awake. I think I've been at the doctor's office more this year than in the last ten years combined. And it's always the same thing over and over. Today I assured her that I've learned how to control my headaches, which indeed I have. I know exactly what will probably trigger a migraine, but the stupid triggers are my most-frequented activities. Everything I do seems to be detrimental: I just tried doing some homework, but that makes me fall asleep fairly quickly, and daytime sleeping is just about a certain migraine; so I waste a few hours playing on my computer, but too much computer gives me eye-throbbing migraines. Hrmph.

Two truths and a lie (in no particular order):

1) I was once kicked out of a cemetery in Paris
2) I once won a sheep-racing contest
3) I have a photograph of Robin Williams withdrawing money from an ATM

AHHHH! The floor is made of faces!!

Looks like I'll have to take a crappy Shakespeare class this summer....Crakespeare?....Shitspeare? Yeah, definitely a Shitspeare class. Either that or "Modernism to Postmodernism."

Ugh. I hate my stomach.

"Plan Bunny" 2

Silent Movies will probably be few and far between, because they make my eyes bleed and my head explode.

Here's a slightly larger version, but I'm guessing you'll still have problems reading some of the text. Too bad for you, I guess. Thanks to Ryan for his mad computer skills.

"Plan Bunny"

Awwww...I think my first silent film "Plan Bunny" will be too small for you all to see. Try to imagine it, you'll really laugh.